Time for a Change? - Terri Cole
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Time for a Change?

How do you know when it’s time to make a change in your life? Do you listen to the signs and signals your body sends, or do you stay in work situations, romantic relationships, and friendships way past their expiration date? Are you a person who holds on for too long?

Developing a better connection to the wisdom your body offers will help you on the path to living your truth.

Let’s talk about your current internal condition. Right now, I want you to think of any situation that you think needs to change. Whether it is ending a friendship, breaking up with a romantic partner, leaving job, etc. As you hold that situation in your mind, what feelings get kicked up when you visualize actually taking the leap to make the change? Your body has most likely been giving you signs for a while that something needs to change. It might be a gut feeling, a racing heart, a headache, a feeling of dread, tightness in your chest, distractibility, feeling fatigued, or an inability to sleep. Your body will tell you something is wrong before your mind will recognize the same truth.

Your body is constantly sending you signals, and the body’s reactions hold the answers to your mind’s questions.

The mind is a complex beast. It has a catalog of defense mechanisms at its disposal designed to help us avoid feeling emotional distress. And the kicker is we employ these defense mechanisms unconsciously. Under stress, we can over-analyze, project, intellectualize, rationalize, displace, or flat out deny blatant facts to avoid feeling the pain of a hard truth. But, our bodies are more instinctual, and our subconscious can communicate with us through visceral sensations in the body. In other words, our bodies do not lie.

The question is are you listening? I want to challenge you to become conscious of the way your body feels when you are faced with a tough decision.

A common response to difficult decision-making is confusion. When you are at a crossroads, your fear mind might be telling you to do one thing, but your body (instinct) might be telling you to do something else. Your mind tells you that you are confused, which prolongs and sometimes completely shuts down the decision-making process. This is when tapping into the profound power and wisdom of your body can help move you forward.

So, when you are confused, STOP and FEEL what your body is telling you. You may find that you are not confused but afraid to know what your body is saying. This knowledge may require you to take an action you do not feel ready to take. Reassure yourself with the truth that you can make an informed decision in your right and perfect time, but also realize that denying what you know deep down will not make it go away. Body consciousness will help you get to your truth sooner rather than later.

In order to gain the benefits of your body wisdom, you must create an internal space of stillness and silence on a regular basis. Rushing through your day, constantly being preoccupied with your phone, endlessly ruminating about the past, or projecting into the future are all actions that create noisy static in your internal life.

Your authentic self exists in silence. To help you truly tap into your body, I want you to take five minutes every morning for a grounding meditation. Simply sit for five minutes and repeat the word “so” on the inhalation and “hum” on the exhalation, silently. Since you are not attaching any meaning to these words, your mind will start to quiet as you dial into your body wisdom. Intentional silence can bridge the gap between a wise body and a fearful mind.

After your meditation, look at all the places you’ve been avoiding making changes. Write them down. Then, one by one, day by day, go about systematically handling them, using your body wisdom as your guide.

I am curious about your thoughts. Let me know how the mediation works for you and if it helps you hear your body’s wisdom more clearly. Or, maybe you need a little advice and encouragement. Either way, we are all here to support each other, so I invite you to be open and honest and hold space for one another on this transformation journey.

I hope you have an amazing week, leaning into change, and, as always, take care of you.

 

Love love love

Terri

terricoleny
19 Comments
  • Alexandra
    Posted at 08:15h, 28 May Reply

    I love this!
    A simple meditation to help you tune in to what your body is asking for.
    Love it love it love it!

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:27h, 30 May Reply

      Aww thanks Alex! Glad to see your shiny light here <3

  • Tamara
    Posted at 08:48h, 28 May Reply

    Hi Terri, I have felt this way for the past 5 years and although I am very spirtual and want natural healing and buddhism to be a part of my life, I can still not get into a state of mind, where I feel free from fear. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and the last 5, I have no passion and not sure if I’m just staying in the relationship to save the hurt from my kids. I am almost too empathic at times. I just quit my nursing job, as I would like to make a career change into more holistic/natural medicine. Anyway, feels good to get this out and just be honest with myself. I’m really afraid of the new life I would have and what if I made a mistake and my husband really is the one? (He’s cheated twice, I have forgiven, but can’t seem to get the low self-esteem and confidence up since)
    Thank you Terri, even if you only just read this I will know. I have been inspired by your words for over a year now and I’m just not going to give up!! love and hugs to you

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:27h, 30 May Reply

      Tamara-
      Your instincts are good so listen to them. Which may mean sharing with your husband how you are feeling or trying to get into therapy together. He broke your trust which can really take a toll on your relationship. You can do anything you want to do-value your feelings and make decisions based on them. Fear will always be there but remember it is just a feeling…Go YOU!

  • Lucia
    Posted at 10:43h, 28 May Reply

    I need help with letting go of a toxic yoga partnership. I invested good money for her to train me one-on-one (she has since donated it to a charity), and although she is quite knowledgable, I feel like I’m constantly being dumped on emotionally and am on edge whenever we’re supposed to have class. I never know how she’s going to feel and am on guard all the time bec she might explode bec she’s having a bad day. I was really looking forward to teacher training, bit it seems like it’s going nowhere and it’s taking too long. My body is telling me to run far away in the opposite direction and cut ties, but what about the money I invested to learn from her?

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:25h, 30 May Reply

      Lucia-
      Listen to your body and get out. who does she remind you of in your life or your childhood? Ask yourself where you have felt this way before and you will start to understand her purpose in your life. She sounds toxic and not an emotionally safe person to share yourself or your time with. Cut your loses my friend.

  • Kate
    Posted at 16:28h, 28 May Reply

    Terri, your message gave me an A-HA moment, as do many of them. But today i realize that I’m in a totally unhealthy job, and my body has been telling me that for years. I feel stuck because it is the only source of income I have right now, and my circumstances don’t aid in easily finding another job. There are many details I could leave you with, but i won’t. Going through several major changes right now, and I’m embarrassed to say that I’m not handling them well. I hope life evens out very soon or I will explode. As always, thanks for the reminder to take care of myself.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:22h, 30 May Reply

      Kate-
      Be kind with yourself knowing you have nothing to be embarrassed about! You will find a way to get where you want to go-knowing that you need to changed something is the first order of business. Opening your mind to the possibility that it can happen with ease and grace is the next. Keep up the good work!

      • Kate
        Posted at 16:58h, 10 June Reply

        Thank you Terri! I appreciate your words of wisdom. I’m still feeling very overwhelmed by my life changes right now, but I suppose I’m handling them a bit better now. I used to think I was pretty patient, but as I’m getting older, it seems to wear thin very often. I want so much to practice Yoga because it used to calm me, and allow me sereneness. But I don’t have a peaceful space in which to practice right now, and that is frustrating. I will try to find a place where I feel calm, and then decide where to go in need of real change.

        Namaste!
        Kate

  • Alicia
    Posted at 16:48h, 28 May Reply

    Hi Terri! You articles always resonate with my current life well. Im wondering though. How does this apply to those with anxiety/depression. I’m learning right now that anxiety causes the body to think you are in danger or to perceive feelings/thoughts the wrong way. As much as I do agree with most of this article, I wonder now how it applies to someone like me?

    • terri cole
      Posted at 20:26h, 28 May Reply

      Alicia,
      Thank you for bringing up an excellent point. Anxiety and depression will create static so it is hard to hear your body’s signals. There are many ways to lower the volume on anxiety and depression. Meditation and natural remedies abound and working with a good therapist can help as well. Check out the blogs I have on the site about anxiety and depression. The fact that you are self aware enough to know what is going on makes know you will figure it out and I am here cheering you on like a wild maniac!

  • Meredith
    Posted at 17:12h, 28 May Reply

    Hi Terri,

    Great advice, as always. Thank you for saying “breaking up with friends”, because I’ve heard so many times that you can never have too many friends and similar comments. I do believe too many friends can be overwhelming, close ones anyway, and I would prefer quality over quantity. As new people come into my life, I’m naturally open and friendly, but then I don’t know what to do when I can see they want more and I can feel maybe we’re not going to be the closest of friends. We’re not really connecting on a deeper level or I don’t feel totally safe with them. Still, these people call me or want to hang out, and I feel like an a.hole. It feels like someone telling you they love you when you’ve just met. Which is sweet, but somehow it seems easier to manage with dating or boyfriends. I want to love everyone, and feel open and loving and be inclusive but then I end up feeling bad or I get overwhelmed and don’t know how to respond. It’s not a natural, easy relationship, but I don’t want to blow anyone off. I will meditate on this more but wondering how you would advise breaking up with friends, who are already on your friend list, and then how you can nicely avoid a friendship from deepening when you’ve already been nice to people and they’re calling and wanting to hang out, especially when they’re local and you see them a lot. Thanks for opening this conversation.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:00h, 30 May Reply

      Meredith-
      You can say you are busy and just keep not making plans and people will get the hint. BTW someone telling you they love when they don’t know you is not really sweet it is really dysfunctional, ya know? You are right to listen to your instincts and it is your job to decide who gets the privilege of being in your life. You don’t owe it to anyone and if you hang out with someone to be nice it is not so nice because eventually you will resent them. Protect your self and your time from people who think you have what they need because you don’t only they do. You have great instincts now you just need to follow them and I know you will <3

  • Lisa
    Posted at 17:25h, 28 May Reply

    Rings so true Terri. Three years ago I decided to make a major change and leave school administration for a less stressful life. I didn’t have a job but knew I’d be happy back with children as a speech language pathologist. Yup! I was right. Now i find myself in a similar place but not because i’m choosing it. The district is looking to save costs and wants to hire their own pathologist, rather than contract with me privately. Okay, I get costs but what about quality? I will let it go and am now convinced after listening to your blog that it will be okay. I’ll start yet a new chapter….. at 55 years old….. I will embrace it.
    Thanks, it’s amazing how often your weekly tips line up with what is happening in my life.
    Love, Lisa

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 18:56h, 30 May Reply

      Go you Lisa! You can do it -have faith in your skills and allow your good to come to you and it will <3

  • Kathy
    Posted at 17:33h, 28 May Reply

    Exactly right Terri. You just confirmed what I have been dealing with. I knew I had to leave my current position. I began looking for another job, nothing was panning out, so I thought maybe I was wrong, but that nagging feeling “this is not good” kept coming back to me. So I kept looking. Today I accepted the new position and I feel overwhelmingly serene. I will miss very much some aspects of the teaching position I am leaving but when all is said and done, I know I made the right move. Thank you for affirming me.
    Kathy

    • terri cole
      Posted at 20:11h, 28 May Reply

      Kathy,
      Good for you for listening to your heart (and body wisdom 😉
      Best of luck in your new job <3

  • Annie Hopkins
    Posted at 21:46h, 28 May Reply

    great post! I also think it helps to ask after the breathing, what don’t I want to see or know? Denial is a tricky sucker. 🙂 gonna do this! thx so much.

  • Kate
    Posted at 18:40h, 29 May Reply

    Thanks for all your comments above. It is helping me a little with what I posted earlier. Learning to listen is key here

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