Stop Being Manipulated NOW! (For Empaths + Nice People) - Terri Cole
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Stop Being Manipulated Now

Stop Being Manipulated NOW! (For Empaths + Nice People)

Does your kind and compassionate heart – your generosity – ever leave you feeling like a sucker?

I’m talking about feeling manipulated or used in your life by others. Do you over-give and over-accommodate in your relationships? Are you drawn to people who have high expectations of what you should be doing to them (and you go along?) If any of that sounds familiar, let’s talk about why that might be and how you can change those patterns of behavior.

The first thing you need is awareness. People who grew up in homes where they didn’t feel valued and were trying to get positive feedback from a parent – perhaps a distant mother or emotionally-unavailable father – can be particularly vulnerable as an adult to being manipulated.  This includes those of us who are empaths, as we are very dialed into other people’s feelings and needs. Being aware of your background and how it impacts the kinds of people you attract is important. People who are manipulative are very good at spotting the kind of people they can take advantage of.  

Another key thing is realizing the difference between being needed and being taken advantage of. Do you consider yourself a helper, do you like being needed and helping people? There is a big difference between being truly valued, desired, and needed and being USED. We have all had relationships in our lives with people who have taken advantage of our kindness or who have seen it as a weakness to exploit. These are people who will continually try to get you to do something that benefits them, even if it is not in your best interest.

So how do we identify those people?

 

  1.  Flattery

Be aware of people you have just met who are being OVER complimentary or flattering. Be mindful of any pattern someone using flattering to “butter you up” before asking you for something.

  1.  Different Faces

Manipulators often go from being sweet and kind to one person, to being cruel and aggressive to another very quickly. What they are doing is continually assessing consciously and unconsciously how they need to behave to get what they want from each person.

  1.  Self-Blame

Keep in mind that manipulative people have an ability to know what buttons to push to get you to do what they want. If you identify this kind of relationship in your life, don’t fall into a default position of blaming yourself, rather try to observe and not make it personal. That will allow you to make a more objective decision about what value this person adds to your life.You need to decide who gets to be in the front row of your life. Start thinking about what and who you want in your life.  

  1.  Mirroring

Manipulative people are sometimes not consciously aware of their behavior. There is a technique where you mirror their unreasonable request or selfishness back to them. Repeat their request back to them starting with “So you are asking me to….”.  Be firm and ask them if they think their request sounds fair. This will also make it clear whether this a request, or whether they are just expecting you to do whatever they say. Our intention with this technique is to hopefully make them aware of their manipulative behavior, f they are not already.

  1.  Resist

You have to resist being manipulated. Manipulators can often make you feel totally engulfed and overwhelmed by what THEY want. Resist allowing anyone to make you feel like you MUST do what they want right now. Manipulative people know how to use urgency as a way of forcing you to do what they want. You don’t owe anyone an instant answer and poor planning on another person’s part does not have to constitute an “emergency” for you.

  1.  No is not a four-letter word.

For many of us, it can be very hard to say ‘No’ but to take back control and create healthy boundaries you must. The only reason you need to give for saying ‘no’ to something, is that you don’t want to.   

I hope that you’ve found this episode helpful and if you did, please share it on your social media platforms and with the people in your life who you think may find it helpful.

As always, take care of you!

Terri

PS. And ladies, it’s that time of year again!! The Real Love Revolution season is upon us so please click here to join our private FB group where I will be live to answer your Q’s on February 28th and get free gifts!!

Terri Cole
https://terricole.com
16 Comments
  • Emilia Louisa Pucci
    Posted at 11:00h, 19 February Reply

    This is so useful! I’ve been very prone to manipulation since I’m an empath, and these tips, especially mirroring the question back is really great. Thanks!

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 10:40h, 21 February Reply

      Emilia-
      I am so happy that the vid resonated with you and added some value. Thank you for being here with us xo

  • Sylvia Grotsch
    Posted at 11:08h, 19 February Reply

    Wonderfull! Your language is so clear, I am German and my English is not very good, but I understand you completely!

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 10:39h, 21 February Reply

      Sylvia!
      Thank you so much for saying so- hearing this made me so happy. I am grateful you are here with us. 😉

  • ELENI
    Posted at 11:38h, 19 February Reply

    thanks so much for this! I would love an episode about older siblings and how to set boundaries with them.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 10:38h, 21 February Reply

      Eleni,
      You are so welcome and yes I will add your suggestion to my list of vids to cover. Thank you for being here with us xo

  • Laura
    Posted at 12:29h, 19 February Reply

    Thank you for your blogs. They are always so full of valuable information.I wish I could be at the point where NO felt really comfortable to say. Walking towards that goal.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 10:35h, 21 February Reply

      Laura,
      You are so welcome and I am so grateful you are here with us! I am cheering you on like a wild maniac!!

  • Nitya
    Posted at 08:36h, 21 February Reply

    As always, great video Terri!

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 10:33h, 21 February Reply

      Thank you so much, Nitya! I so appreciate you being here xo

  • Stephanie
    Posted at 05:18h, 22 February Reply

    My mom is a narcissist and dealing with her can make me question my own reality. The idea of a 24hr policy is so very useful. I wonder what mirroring back would sound like, because I think she would just say no I was saying… insert new more convenient narrative, and then find a way for her to feel like a victim because I didn’t agree with her. Is there a way around that? Also thank you for your blog. It has been very empowering for me to learn from listening to you.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 14:47h, 09 April Reply

      Stephanie,
      I am so glad the content on the blog is resonating with you. When someone bold face lies (which is what you are describing)- it is difficult to act like they didn’t-the key is to not react to the best of your ability and honestly consider limiting contact to protect yourself. Any back and forth you get into with her, you will most likely lose if she is a true narc-because rules don’t apply to them in their mind-which means nothing is off limits as winning and getting their way is the end goal.

  • Myrielle
    Posted at 08:19h, 22 February Reply

    Thank you Terri for your clear and concise words!
    I am still struggling on the ‘No’. When a friend asks me kindly for some help and I am not able/ don’t want to fulfil that request for whatever reason, I just can’t go with a blunt No. I then decline in a friendly manner. Probably because it feels better to me when someone is declining my request, but still in a clear and friendly way.
    I also struggle with household situations, when my partner obviously doesn’t want to participate or do more then the absolute necessary, but doens’t say so or just delays the task at hand. It feels unfair to do more as a result, on the other hand I surly don’t want to ‘force’ anything on him. It’s a strange dynamic and I have a lot to learn on boundaries !

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 14:42h, 09 April Reply

      Myrielle,
      Thanks for sharing here with us! When it comes to household chores most of us don’t ‘want’ to do them -your partner included. And yet they need to get done- the responsibility is both of yours so perhaps re-framing your view of it will help you feel worthy of an equal work partnership.

  • Ruby
    Posted at 11:39h, 26 February Reply

    Hello Terri, what can I do if I realize that I am a manipulator? I was raised by two of them and because of this I flip flop between manipulation and not knowing when/how to set boundaries.
    Thank you for reminding us that NO is not a four letter word! Because I don’t want to…what a gift!

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 14:19h, 09 April Reply

      Ruby,
      Your awareness is the first step to all transformation. What is the opposite of manipulating? Speaking honestly and asking for your needs to be met. The more you de-code what you learned from your childhood, the easier it will be to mindfully choose to interact and communicate authentically. Thank you for being here with us!

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