02 Oct 08 Terri Talks – The Art of Setting Boundaries
Do you know what boundaries are? Are you a good or flexible boundary setter? What changes could you make right now that can help prevent further boundary violation in your own life?
Today on the show, it’s just me, and I’m talking all about how to successfully, effectively, efficiently, and with love draw boundaries. Struggling with setting boundaries in relationships and in life is one of the most common issues I hear about in my sessions, so I want to talk about how you can start doing it. It’s so important for all of us to be good at because it can affect your emotional and physical health.
You can do it, you can draw healthy boundaries. And the sooner you start, the more satisfying your relationships are going to be, and the happier your life is going to be. And doesn’t that sound great?
You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher or TuneIn
“Personal boundaries are harder to define because the lines are invisible.” – Terri Cole
- How to define personal boundaries
- How the boundaries you set determine your relationships
- How men and women are raised to set different boundaries
- Why many women are afraid to draw boundaries
- What are the two types of boundaries
- How the city and the country are different in terms of personal space
- The danger of codependent relationships
- How to help maintain balance and self respect
- How good boundaries can help you protect your relationship
- How having rigidity can lead to loneliness
“When you have weak emotional boundaries, it’s like getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection.” – Terri Cole
- How wanting other people is different from needing them
- What actions characterize unhealthy boundaries
- Why you have the right to draw boundaries with anyone
- Why there has to be fairness in your relationship
- What small steps you can take to creating boundaries
- Why you shouldn’t be afraid to seek therapy
- Why human relatedness is a dance
- What is individuation
- Why being an individual is your birthright
With unhealthy boundaries:
You possess a weak sense of self identity making you reliant on other’s approval.
You feel disempowered because believe others hold the power and make decisions for you so you don’t feel responsible for your life
Inability to protect your physical and emotional space from invasion.
Feeling responsible for the happiness and satisfaction of others
Difficulty saying no for fear of rejection or abandonment.
With healthy boundaries:
You have separate needs, thoughts, feelings and desires from others. You recognize that your needs are different from others.
You are empowered to take responsibility for your self.
You have good self respect.
You share personal information gradually over time in a trusting relationship.
You can be assertive by stating opinions, thoughts, feelings and needs in a respectful manner.
You protect yourself physically and emotionally from intrusion.
You can take care of our own needs.
You can be in an equal partnership where responsibility and power are shared.
“Setting boundaries is essential if you want to be physically and emotionally healthy.” – Terri Cole
- Learn more about my friend Ashley Turner
- Here are a couple of books I recommend about boundaries:
- Read Dr. Harriet Lerner’s The Dance of Intimacy, The Dance of Anger, and The Dance of Deception
“We’re grown up, no one is making you do anything. So negotiate for what it is that you want. ” – Terri Cole