08 Oct How to Up Your Self-Love
Have you ever wondered what “True Love” actually looks like in practice?
If you said yes, you are not alone. Two of the top questions I get are:
What is True Love? and What is Self-Love?
So in today’s blog, I decided to share my top 2 videos and blogs on these questions and explore the connection between the two. Let’s start with self-love. In my twenty years of experience as a psychotherapist in the trenches with clients, I can tell you for sure that Self-Love is the only path to any other healthy love.
Before you watch the first video please take a moment to assess your feelings about yourself right now.
How do you speak to yourself when you make a mistake?
How worthy and lovable do you truly feel?
How valuable do you think you are?
Regardless of your answers, the goal is you building a healthy, positive relationship with yourself. How you feel about yourself sets the bar, for all of your other relationships, romantic or otherwise.
In practice, authentic self-love looks like regarding yourself in the same positive way that you do other people you love; holding yourself in high esteem; treating yourself with respect; speaking kindly about yourself and to yourself.
In the first vid, I identify 5 Simple Steps to REAL Self-Love. Now, I don’t necessarily think they’re always EASY, but they’re not complicated if you harness the power of your intention. To help you manifest these in your daily life and to download the full description of each step – just click the button at the bottom of this post.
People who take the time to deeply know themselves tend to have more self-love.
- Show Self-Compassion
The key to self-love is being kind to yourself – and not having that inner “mean girl” dialogue going all the time.
- Practice Self-Forgiveness
Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
- Crush Your Racket
Your “racket” is the limiting story you tell yourself about your worth, capabilities and potential.
- Become a Boundary Ninja
When you set limits, and say ‘No’ to things that deplete or harm you – physically, emotionally, or spiritually – this is a way of practicing and creating more self-love.
Your level of self-love directly impacts your ability to attract and nurture, “True Love.” When I refer to true love, I mean healthy love. Let’s start with what true love is NOT.
True Love is NOT…
…being afraid of what the person you’re with is going to say or do
…being afraid of how the person you’re with is going to judge you
…being someone’s possession
…walking on eggshells
…deeply believing that someone else ‘completes’ you (Trust me…that’s not possible!)
So what does True Love look like?
True love respects each person’s differences.
Having hardcore expectations of what True Love is, or how a partner should behave is the opposite of acceptance.
Jealousy and possessiveness are often glamorized in movies and even in some cultures but the truth is that chronic or extreme jealousy is toxic, stifles love and indicates insecurity.
It’s critical to have the flexibility within a relationship to be sorry – to be able to apologize and for your partner to accept that and not endlessly punish you or throw your mistakes back in your face.
There has to be equity of power for a sustainable healthy relationship. One person dominating the entire relationship is unhealthy.
Real Love looks like choice. Choosing to be in the relationship because you WANT to be with that person, not necessarily because you NEED that person.
Effort and Intention
Love isn’t just having a ‘feeling’ about someone, it’s about how you behave. True Love is indicated by your actions.
There has to be a sense of ‘us’. When you are in a long-term relationship and it’s True Love, the focus shifts from ‘me’ to ‘us’ which is not to say lose yourself completely. Communication
It is so important to talk about what you want in a relationship. It’s not about asking for or giving permission, it’s about being partners.
True Love feels good. Not in the unicorns and roses everyday way of course…but generally speaking in True Love when you are with your partner, you feel good about yourself and them.
There Is empathy in True Love. You feel for where your partner is at. It doesn’t mean that you must completely understand exactly what your partner is going through, but you can always care about how they feel.
True Love and Self-Love require time, attention, and your intention. Anything of value is worth your energy and effort because you deserve True Love.
I hope that these two videos inspired you to think about your relationship to yourself and see the connection to your romantic and other relationships.
Thank you for reading, watching and sharing!