How Daughters of Narcissists Can Survive and Thrive - Terri Cole
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How Daughters of Narcissists Can Survive and Thrive

Her hysterical sobbing made it difficult for me to make out what she was saying. Finally she said, ”My mother just informed me that she is wearing a white dress to my wedding. She has already purchased it and when I asked her to at least add a navy sash and jacket, she refused and told me how ashamed she was of me for being such an ungrateful and selfish daughter.” 
Above is an actual story of a former client who is the daughter of a narcissistic mother.

Does your mother guilt trip you or emotionally blackmail you? Does she act competitively with you or take credit for your talent or accomplishments?
 
These are all behavioral patterns of the narcissistic mother. 
 
I promise you, if you have one, you know it, even if you haven’t had the correct language to describe it. It is an incredibly painful experience to be the child of a mother with this personality disorder, and particularly painful for daughters. In this week’s Real Love Revolution video, I will be tackling the topic of how to survive and thrive from this experience. I’ll be covering:
 
  • Two types of narcissistic mothers
  • The behavior these mothers display
  • How to heal from having a narcissistic mother
  • Steps to take to prioritize your own health and happiness
 

There are two different types of narcissistic mothers. The engulfing narcissist who sees their daughter as an extension of themselves. This mother takes credit for any achievements or talents the child displays as her own. The second type is the ignoring narcissist. She has little interest in her daughter’s life and takes minimal care of her while growing up. This mother continues to focus most of her energy and attention on herself. This experience can be counterintuitive because in American culture, mothers are idolized as all nurturing, forgiving, self-sacrificing angels. Therefore, speaking ill of your mother is considered almost sacrilegious and carries shame. The insidious emotional abuse in this experience can be devastating and isolating because it leaves no physical evidence but the destruction to a child’s sense of self and safety in the world is undeniable. 

 

If you have experienced the very conditional love of a narcissistic mother, it is time to focus on how you can move from surviving to thriving. The first step is to draw solid boundaries to limit contact, which will help to prevent further damage. Another step toward healing is to find support, whether through a group or in individual therapy, or both. This type of abuse is very specific, and learning more about narcissistic mothers while connecting with other women who have gone through the same experience can accelerate your healing. To learn more about the two types of narcissistic mothers, the behaviors they display, and how to survive it, download the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Survival Guide below now! 
 

It is possible for you to heal from this experience. You deserve to be seen and loved for who you are.

Drop me a comment here on the blog and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for FREE access to every Real Love Revolution vid! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!

 
And ladies, if you haven’t yet joined the Real Love Revolution waiting list to gain immediate access to our private FB group and receive a bundle of FREE gifts from me plus a monthly livestream Q&A with on the last Friday of the month at 5PM ET, please click here to join us!
 
Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing! 
 
And as always, take care of YOU.  
 
Love, 
 
Terri Cole
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Terri Cole
https://terricole.com
19 Comments
  • Margie
    Posted at 16:00h, 20 April Reply

    How can my mother be both types of narcissistic person. I listened to your video. Every single point you made resonates with me. I’ve downloaded your survival list. Terri, I can hardly wait for this painfully long love to be over and she’s gone from the planet. Such a deep sickness to cope with has been torture. My career and personal life have suffered for it. I’ll continue to follow your guidance. Thank you, Margie

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 23:21h, 22 April Reply

      Margie,
      I am sending you so much healing energy mama. Keep taking care of you xo

  • Teri
    Posted at 20:49h, 27 April Reply

    What about daughters of narcissist father’s? He is so awful that my Mother was grateful when she was diagnosed as terminal. I am an only child and he makes want to kill myself sometimes. He’s just an awful, self involved person.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 20:52h, 27 April Reply

      I just filmed a vid for daughters of narcissistic fathers today my dear. It will be out in the next few weeks. Instead of considering harming yourself why don’t you limit or cut off contact with him? It is your right to protect yourself, even if you are an only child. Sending healing vibes your way. xo

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    Posted at 16:41h, 01 June Reply

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  • Jeanne
    Posted at 05:09h, 17 June Reply

    I just encounterd ur video by chance and found out that im not alone! Im in my early 40s , married with children and stil under the control of my suffocating mom, her intentions are good to begin with , but her outbursts and being unstable make me question my own sanity, i just downloaded the survival guide and looking forward to start healing , thank you so much, you are a God send.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 00:14h, 19 June Reply

      Hi Jeanne,
      I’m so happy you found this helpful and thank you for the kind words!
      All love, Terri

  • jeanette
    Posted at 08:01h, 02 July Reply

    just coming to grips about the narcissistic traits, and realizing i was raised by one. even though she passed away in 2009, her messages are still in my head….often among the negative thoughts i have to push away. i’m glad to find this, terri cole, and feel comforted already. very much enjoyed the way you present things. although i can journal about, it will be nice not to feel alone in this turmoil.

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 12:04h, 16 July Reply

      You are not alone, Jeanette, and I’m so happy you found this helpful.

  • Jamie
    Posted at 17:39h, 04 July Reply

    Hi Terri,
    Thank you so much for the hard work you put into your videos and creating a sense of validation for all the women who’ve been through this. Within the last year I’ve realized my mother is a narcissist and it has been very difficult to accept and cope with. I always find myself wondering why she is the way she is and wondering what I could do to make her not be so horrible. Your videos are helping me recover from the abuse and internal damage that for so long I’ve thought was just my own weakness and delusion. So thankful for your videos!
    Sincerely,
    Jamie

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 12:02h, 16 July Reply

      I’m so happy you found my videos helpful. Thank you for watching, Jamie!

  • Beverley Daniel
    Posted at 21:59h, 02 September Reply

    Thank you for posting, I have a lump in my throat, this is so real to me… I was trying to download the sheet but it wouldn’t let me, the link on the video didn’t work, is there any other way I can get it?

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 19:52h, 04 September Reply

      Hi Beverley, thank you for reading/watching. Please click here to download the cheat sheet. XO, Terri

  • R Hb
    Posted at 17:55h, 03 September Reply

    All this happened to me! Yet I am sane, stable and resilient! I avoid my horrible mom who is so lovely with everybody else. She would steel my stuff to give to my brother or my sister in law! She bullies my kids. I am just worried abour me one day becoming her in the way I raise my daughter. I need tips please. Also, as I never felt I had a mother. I was looking for a mother in my mother in law. It was ok at the start till my sister in law refused to share her mom with me and started making problems. How can I heal from having such a horrible mom? I need to be loved by a mom…

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 11:30h, 18 September Reply

      Thank you for sharing here. I am so sorry to hear of your painful situation. You are already a million times more aware mother to your daughter than yours was for you. You can advance your healing by building self love and self care. We ultimately become the good mothers to ourselves and we find appropriate mother figures as well. If you love your mother in law, you can have that relationship with her without your sister in law’s permission. Keep your relationship separate and also seek out caring and nurturing friends and mentors who are loving women. Be the mother to your daughter that yours never was to you and this will advance your own healing immensely. I am sending you soothing energy and wishing you the best on this journey xo

  • Doreen
    Posted at 11:21h, 18 September Reply

    Terri, thank you! I’ve been on the healing trail for 3 decades. As I allowed the healing to occur very gradually, I’ve become more aware. I cried when I read this. What I could not articulate, you have so clearly validated. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel. Namaste

    • Terri Cole
      Posted at 11:26h, 18 September Reply

      Doreen,
      It warms my heart to think the post added comfort to your healing journey. Thank you for sharing and for being here. Keep up the amazing work! xo

  • How Daughters of Narcissists Survive and Thrive | Everyday News Update
    Posted at 15:18h, 06 October Reply

    […] If you have experienced the very conditional love of a narcissistic mother, it is time to focus on how you can move from surviving to thriving. The first step is to draw solid boundaries to limit contact, which will help to prevent further damage. Another step toward healing is to find support, whether through a group or in individual therapy, or both. This type of abuse is very specific, and learning more about narcissistic mothers while connecting with other women who have gone through the same experience can accelerate your healing. To learn more about the two types of narcissistic mothers, the behaviors they display, and how to survive it, download the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Survival Guide here! […]

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