Videos Archives - terri cole
Setting Personal and Emotional Boundaries

Setting Personal and Emotional Boundaries

Are you able to say “no” to your friends and family? Can you establish healthy boundaries in your relationships? Or are your bad boundaries sabotaging your REAL LOVE story? (among other relationships)         In this week’s episode of the Real Love Revolution video series, we are diving deep into a topic many people struggle with: Boundaries! If you don’t know how to establish and maintain healthy, authentic boundaries in your relationship, your partner can’t satisfy your needs or true desires because you aren’t clearly expressing them. Bad boundaries strain personal relationships and the accumulation of frustration plus miscommunication ultimately creates resentment later on. They can also keep you in a victim mentality. This mindset makes you believe it is everyone else’s fault for not understanding what you want. Here’s the reality – if you don’t create clear boundaries for yourself in all of your relationships, you can’t expect the people in your life to know what you want or don’t want. Healthy boundaries allow for an equal partnership where both the power and responsibilities are shared. You can’t have real love without really explicit and healthy boundaries! In this video for Week 3 of the Real Love Revolution, you will learn: Types of Personal Boundaries Tips and Language to Create Healthy Boundaries Why Boundaries are Necessary for Real Love Where to Set Boundaries in Your Life and Relationships How to Create a Support System Click here for a Boundaries Cheat Sheet to use as a baseline for creating healthy boundaries, starting with eliminating the auto-”YES” syndrome. (Hint: “No” can be a complete sentence!) Drop me a...
From Fear to Freedom: Hear Their Stories Now

From Fear to Freedom: Hear Their Stories Now

“I was working all of the time with no time to focus on my personal life and finding love.” “I remember seeing all of the promotions for B-School and seeing all of the success stories wondering if the B-School Magic would work for me and my business too.” “I felt limited by my geographic location and I wanted to expand my reach but wasn’t sure how to do it.” “I was hesitant but had a gut feeling it was the right move.” These are just a few of the things my now B-School alumni pals, Lara and Christine, felt before they decided to take the leap. Just like you, they felt scared, frustrated, overworked and alone. They wanted to make a change but didn’t know how. They knew they couldn’t keep doing what they were doing if they wanted to connect with more clients, create real freedom and more financial abundance. As you’ll hear in these two short videos below, they reveal that B-School was their key to unlocking the door to success, financial abundance and in Lara’s case, romantic love! They also developed new friendships, business partnerships and inspired ideas that helped them each more than triple their income! Working for yourself and becoming your own boss is exciting and something so many of you dream about, but it can also be intimidating. When it’s you calling the shots and making all the decisions, you become solely responsible for the success of your business. Part of the reason B-School is so amazing is that it takes the guesswork out of how to properly establish and run an online...
Does the perfect life lead to self love?

Does the perfect life lead to self love?

I know you’re a loving person. I have no doubt that you treat your family and friends with kindness and consideration (OK let’s say most of the time). Do you extend your vast capacity to be loving to YOU? Or are you much more judgmental and much less loving towards yourself then you are to others? This is a common experience for many of my over achieving, perfectionist driven clients and is important because a lack of self love can block you from creating the healthy, happy life you deserve. To dive deeper on this I rang up my pal Gala Darling. She is an author, coach and self-love guru and has an eye-opening perspective on the topic. Darling says: “You don’t need to have a “perfect life” to love the way you exist in the world. You don’t need a “perfect body” to appreciate how you look (and have fun with it). You don’t need to BE PERFECT to enjoy your life and live it to the hilt. This [self-love] is not about trying to become an immaculate person. It is about looking at your messiness and realising that you have an inherent beauty regardless. Radical self love is about seeing yourself as you truly are — with no delusions — and choosing to believe that you are pretty goddamn great.” Your flaws are what make you beautiful. #BeYou @GalaDarling via @TerriCole {CLICK TO TWEET} What Gala and I both believe is that there are simple yet highly effective ways for you to amp up your self love — no makeup, man or magical diet required. 1. Self...
The Struggle to Set Boundaries

The Struggle to Set Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries and enforcing them builds self-worth & confidence—both very sexy qualities. @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} The struggle to set boundaries in relationships and in life is one of the most common issues I hear about in my sessions with clients. Many people, women especially, find themselves feeling drained and resentful because they are constantly doing things for others that they would rather not do. Since their boundaries are unclear (either to themselves or others) they continue to give away their energy, time and personal power. When you have weak boundaries, it’s almost impossible to prioritize your own needs, wants and desires. For many people personal boundaries can be difficult to define because the lines are invisible, can change, and are unique to each and every individual. In order to have a strong sense of self, it’s vital that you understand and express your boundaries as they allow you to protect and take care of yourself.  Having personal boundaries (and sticking to them) is also a huge part of having healthy and happy relationships, especially romantic. Personal boundaries define where you end and others begin, both psychically and emotionally. Setting and keeping boundaries is about honoring your feelings. When you don’t assert healthy boundaries you are essentially giving up your right to choose and your power. Your ability to draw boundaries with love is heavily influenced by what you witnessed from your family of origin. For example, if mom was constantly taking care of everyone else (particularly those over the age of six), then you may find yourself as a parent, friend or employee doing the same; feeling...
Do You Know How to De-Stress?

Do You Know How to De-Stress?

Take a guess at what condition low energy, headaches, fatigue, upset stomach and insomnia indicate. If you said, everyday stress, you are correct. Actually everyday stressors create these symptoms and many others. What can you do to stop suffering from daily stress when we live in a stress filled world? First step is to become mindful of how you are responding to frustration. My pal and the author of, Destressifying, Davidji proposes that all stress stems from your needs going unmet. In our fast paced lives there will always be stuff to sweat, right? Whether it’s traffic, constricted finances or the waiter mishearing your order, life has a way of messing with your well laid plans. If stress is your go to emotion when things go wrong or simply don’t go as planned, then you’re guaranteed to stay stressed. If you can see your stress response clearly, you can decide to change it. This is not to say that certain situations in your life aren’t in fact truly stress worthy. Life can be scary and sometimes it’s close to impossible to control your stress response. However, what I find often in my psychotherapy practice (and living in New York City) is that for many, stress has become their primary response regardless of what is actually happening. Stress can be addictive. As terrible as it feels, subconsciously you may rely on stress to keep you going. When stressed your heart rate increases, your muscles tense and your brain uses more oxygen. Stress can give you a boost of energy and in a real threat in the short term, it can...
Binge Eating, Cravings and Restriction

Binge Eating, Cravings and Restriction

Years ago after I quit smoking, I substituted food to soothe my discomfort (as many do). The same way a cigarette break gave me ‘permission’ to rest for ten minutes (which released tension and changed my feeling state), the salty snack or rich piece of chocolate I craved, seemed to make me feel better in a moment of frustration, anger or sadness. The problem was that after satisfying my craving, I didn’t feel better: sometimes I felt worse. I’m sure you can relate. The fix was temporary and what I actually needed was to develop the ability to effectively manage my feelings and understand what I was really craving. (Which I eventually achieved through years of good therapy.) As a psychotherapist, countless women (and some men) have confided in me about their eating habits. With deep shame and guilt they reveal the heavy secrets they carry about their late-night binges, sometimes consuming up to five thousand calories in a single sitting. Outside of my practice, and especially when I worked as a talent agent for models, women shared their extremely restrictive diets of coffee, diet coke, cigarettes and salads—without dressing. Though, no matter what their diet, everyone seemed to be craving something. To understand what your cravings look for the feelings underneath them @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Your eating habits and especially your cravings can hold the key to information about your emotions and your body. One of my favorite quotes from author Geneen Roth is this: “We don’t want to EAT hot fudge sundaes as much as we want our lives to BE hot fudge sundaes.” When you...