Uncategorized Archives - terri cole
How to Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship

How to Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship

Do you feel trapped in your relationship? When you think about leaving, are you actually afraid of what your partner would do? In this video, I’m going to teach you how to leave an abusive and/or controlling partner so you can get on with your amazing life. And I’m not just talking about physical abuse, I’m talking about emotional and verbal abuse as well. If you are afraid there will be retribution from your partner for ending it, for example, that they will embarrass you at work or call your boss, or tell your friends and family a secret about you, then you are most likely in an abusive relationship, and in this video, I will outline a safe way for you to get out. In this Real Love Revolution video, I cover: Different types of abusive relationships What kind of plan(s) you should first make before taking any action How to safely leave an abusive relationship in a step-by-step guide, including making a survival kit Resources you can use to aid you in your exit Part one of this video series is called “10 Signs You Are in an Abusive Relationship,” and you should check that out as well because when you’re in the thick of this kind of relationship, it becomes difficult for you to tell that you are being abused. Abusers can be very crafty at convincing you that the problem is you. And before we get into the steps of how to safely leave an abusive relationship, I want to be clear, that you must first make a safe exit plan. Don’t do anything yet....
10 Signs You Are in an Abusive Relationship

10 Signs You Are in an Abusive Relationship

Have you ever questioned your sanity in your relationship? Does your partner often deny a conversation you KNOW the two of you have had or tells you he has, “No idea what you’re talking about” and that “You must be crazy”? Denying your reality in this way, sometimes referred to as gas-lighting, can be a more subtle sign of what could be an abusive relationship. And it’s far more common than you think. In this video, I’m going to help you see the signs, symptoms and signals of what to look out for so you can avoid an abusive relationship. In my next video, I’ll share strategies on how you can safely exit an abusive relationship if you are already in one. Please know that you are not alone. Don’t let your fear or shame stop you from saving yourself. There are many professionals who deal with abusive situations every day who will believe you and will understand how to help you change your situation. In this video, you will learn: The Signs of an Abusive Relationship Different Types of Abusive Relationships (Verbal as well as Physical) How to Identify These Signs in Your Own Life Why Real Love and Abuse Cannot Exist Together By identifying and understanding the signs of abuse right now, you can prevent yourself from ever being in an abusive relationship. If you see any of these early signs in your relationship now, you can get out before it escalates. One of the early indicators of potential abuse that I discuss in this video includes your partner always watching you. For example, keeping too close...
Can You Hear Me Now? (How to Effectively Communicate)

Can You Hear Me Now? (How to Effectively Communicate)

Do you feel heard in your life? In your relationship? At your job? Effective communication is an essential component to having real, healthy love and for achieving anything you desire in your life. Think about how you communicate. First rate your level of satisfaction in your communication. How frustrated do you feel on a regular basis? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you communicate directly or do you hint and imply things? Every relationship is a dance and communication is part of that dance. So if you have an unspoken agreement with your partner, friend etc. that you won’t talk about things directly, then you can become stuck in a cycle of not expressing your real desires clearly. Certain cultures believe it’s distasteful to talk boldly and honestly about different topics, leaving children to grow up into adults who stifle their feelings rather than expressing them. In this Real Love Revolution video, Can You Hear Me Now?, I cover: Why Communication is Key How to Determine Your Communication Style Defining Ineffective vs. Effective Communication How to Begin Communicating More Directly There’s only two ways to communicate: effectively and ineffectively. Once you figure out how you’ve been communicating, you can figure out how to improve upon it. So what is your communication style? Bring to mind a difficult conversation you tried to have recently. Do you communicate directly or indirectly? Do you hold back in anger? If you were taught that being honest is rude you may be an ineffective communicator as a result. Ineffective communication is characterized as being indirect, passive, timid, or it could be angry and aggressive. It...
How to Leave the Crap in 2016

How to Leave the Crap in 2016

Do New Year’s resolutions work? Or are they just a waste of time and a way to make you feel like crap by February first? I believe the latter is true. Resolutions can be a slippery slope into setting unrealistic goals and beating ourselves up when we don’t meet them. The common experience of overindulging at holiday gatherings can compel a commitment to extreme resolutions (like running an Ironman) to mitigate the damage. There’s a punishing feeling about resolutions, and in my own experience, setting them has been pretty ineffective. My favorite year end ritual is called, Crap You’re Leaving in 2016. In this Real Love Revolution video, and in the audio for this episode of Hello Freedom, I outline the simple, yet effective process of making three lists, one of which you will burn. The first list is, Crap You’re Leaving in 2016, where you write down all the experiences, feelings, even people, and whatever else you’d like to leave in the past year. If you’ve been feeling victimized, frustrated, angry, etc. write it all down and vow to leave that sh** in 2016. In this video, I cover: How to Leave the Crap in 2016 (List making) Why Resolutions Tend to Fail How to Find the Gems in Any Crap Situation from 2016 How to Design Your Life in 2017 The second list is the Gems You’re Keeping from 2016. What wisdom, especially from the painful experiences, did you acquire in 2016? It’s important that you look at every crappy situation and try to understand what was in it for you. What was the lesson that came...
How to Stop Repeating Bad Love Patterns

How to Stop Repeating Bad Love Patterns

Did you have positive, healthy love role models growing up? I asked that question in a survey to over 2,500 women, and their answers were astonishing. 67% said they did not have positive love role models growing up, and this is clearly a very high percentage. Many people blame themselves for sabotaging their relationships or their love stories, but really, how can you create positive, healthy love if it was never modeled for you or taught to you (until now)? In this Real Love Revolution video, I’m going to talk about ways you might be sabotaging your relationships right now, and how to identify what behaviors you are repeating. Plus I will cover: How to Identify Your Unconscious Beliefs About Love How Your Background and Childhood is Affecting Your Relationships Today Identifying the Behavioral Thread that Has Connected All Your Past Relationships How to Stop Repeating Bad, Unfulfilling Love Patterns One way to better understand your downloaded beliefs around love, is to take a look at your past relationships. What is the thread that connects them? Do you run away from relationships? Do you become afraid when it gets to a certain point? Once you start understanding your reality and what you’ve experienced, you can also understand the story that you tell about your romantic relationships when people ask why you’re single (or if you’re happy in your relationship), which is highly indicative of how you feel internally. To understand how romantic love gets downloaded as a paradigm in our unconscious mind, we must identify what behavior was modeled in the home we grew up in. If there was...
Why Narcissists and Codependents Can’t Break Up

Why Narcissists and Codependents Can’t Break Up

We are all drawn to romantic partners for different reasons. In the past two months, I have received multiple requests to dive a little deeper into the connection between narcissists and codependents. So in this week’s video, I am breaking down this perfectly orchestrated behavioral dance to hopefully add some clarity. To better understand this relationship dynamic, we need to outline the behavioral patterns of each person in this type of relationship. A codependent is a person who tends to feel responsible for others’ problems, behaviors and feelings. They give so much (even without being asked), and they end up resentful and feeling unappreciated. The flip side of this coin is a narcissist, who tends to feel entitled to special treatment, and try to manipulate others into fulfilling their needs. The interaction between these two personalities becomes an extremely natural (but dysfunctional and unhealthy) relationship for both partners. In this Real Love Revolution video, I cover: 10 Codependent Behaviors 10 Narcissistic Behaviors An Outline of the Interaction between Codependents and Narcissists Why These Two Personalities Are Together (and Can’t Seem to Break Up) How to Change the Dance All relationships are a dance – “I do this, you do that” as you move through life. In this situation, the dance is almost inevitable without any interruption. A codependent is an overgiver, and feels overly responsible for others’ happiness. A narcissist wants you to overgive, wants you to be responsible for their happiness. It couldn’t be more perfectly aligned. As a codependent, giving and sacrificing is what you do, it’s natural, so you are drawn to narcissists who are selfish,...