Stress Archives - terri cole
Do You Know How to De-Stress?

Do You Know How to De-Stress?

Take a guess at what condition low energy, headaches, fatigue, upset stomach and insomnia indicate. If you said, everyday stress, you are correct. Actually everyday stressors create these symptoms and many others. What can you do to stop suffering from daily stress when we live in a stress filled world? First step is to become mindful of how you are responding to frustration. My pal and the author of, Destressifying, Davidji proposes that all stress stems from your needs going unmet. In our fast paced lives there will always be stuff to sweat, right? Whether it’s traffic, constricted finances or the waiter mishearing your order, life has a way of messing with your well laid plans. If stress is your go to emotion when things go wrong or simply don’t go as planned, then you’re guaranteed to stay stressed. If you can see your stress response clearly, you can decide to change it. This is not to say that certain situations in your life aren’t in fact truly stress worthy. Life can be scary and sometimes it’s close to impossible to control your stress response. However, what I find often in my psychotherapy practice (and living in New York City) is that for many, stress has become their primary response regardless of what is actually happening. Stress can be addictive. As terrible as it feels, subconsciously you may rely on stress to keep you going. When stressed your heart rate increases, your muscles tense and your brain uses more oxygen. Stress can give you a boost of energy and in a real threat in the short term, it can...
Binge Eating, Cravings and Restriction

Binge Eating, Cravings and Restriction

Years ago after I quit smoking, I substituted food to soothe my discomfort (as many do). The same way a cigarette break gave me ‘permission’ to rest for ten minutes (which released tension and changed my feeling state), the salty snack or rich piece of chocolate I craved, seemed to make me feel better in a moment of frustration, anger or sadness. The problem was that after satisfying my craving, I didn’t feel better: sometimes I felt worse. I’m sure you can relate. The fix was temporary and what I actually needed was to develop the ability to effectively manage my feelings and understand what I was really craving. (Which I eventually achieved through years of good therapy.) As a psychotherapist, countless women (and some men) have confided in me about their eating habits. With deep shame and guilt they reveal the heavy secrets they carry about their late-night binges, sometimes consuming up to five thousand calories in a single sitting. Outside of my practice, and especially when I worked as a talent agent for models, women shared their extremely restrictive diets of coffee, diet coke, cigarettes and salads—without dressing. Though, no matter what their diet, everyone seemed to be craving something. To understand what your cravings look for the feelings underneath them @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Your eating habits and especially your cravings can hold the key to information about your emotions and your body. One of my favorite quotes from author Geneen Roth is this: “We don’t want to EAT hot fudge sundaes as much as we want our lives to BE hot fudge sundaes.” When you...
Give Your Brain a Break

Give Your Brain a Break

Vacation is vital to your happiness and your mental health #BrainBreak #TakeIt @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Did you know that almost half of all workers in the US will not take all of their allotted vacation days this year. Does that sound crazy to you or are you one of them? I used to fall into that category but am now reformed. Up until as recently as 2009 I would work on every vacation. I would still talk to certain clients, keep my phone on and check email twice a day. Not exactly relaxing or restorative. Then one of my nearest and dearest pals, Kris Carr called me to tell me about a specialist she’d seen in Chicago who wrote her an actual prescription to take at least two long vacations a year, to work 4 days a week and NEVER ON WEEKENDS (he wrote it on a prescription pad!) He was convinced that overworking was very detrimental to physical and mental well being. We discussed it for a long time and got honest about how both of us were still working way too much and made a girlfriend pact to stop working on vacations and to figure out how to take more time off. For me it was an adjustment at first. Once I got used to the idea, I realized how draining being “on” all the time was and how much better I felt after time off where I was unplugged and present. I am happy to report that eight years later we are both regularly keeping our promise. This summer, Kris was off the grid camping...
3 Ways to Ease Anxiety

3 Ways to Ease Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences now and then. Many people feel anxious or nervous when faced with a problem at work, fear or worry about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Over 40 million Americans suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. As a psychotherapist and coach for the past 18 years, I have been asked hundreds of times about how people can better handle their anxiety. Traumatic incidents from 9/11 to multiple school shootings to the financial crisis have made anxiety one of the most common disorders experienced in the United States, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable but only about one-third of people suffering seek help. Occasional #Anxiety is normal-Instead of Fighting it Learn to Prevent & Minimize  #BreatheReleaseRepeat @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} For many people anxiety is like this… You’re stressed out. At times, you flip out about small things. You sometimes experience rapid heartbeat, dry mouth and a sense that your legs may give out. You’re fearful for no apparent reason. You spend time worrying about things that have not happened but might. You feel constriction in your mind and body often. You have trouble relaxing and sometimes difficulty sleeping. When you suffer from anxiety it can be debilitating. If it goes unexamined or is misunderstood, it can suck the joy out of your life. Through you can learn how to identify and minimize your anxiety triggers along with many natural ways to soothe stress and mitigate anxiety so you can enjoy your amazing, one of a kind, life. It is...
Are You a Prisoner of the Past?

Are You a Prisoner of the Past?

I remember my wedding as if it were yesterday. The joy I felt having my mom walk me down the aisle, the rightness I felt when we were pronounced husband and wife and the fun we shared dancing all night long with our closest friends and family. That was sixteen years ago yet when I think about it, I’m taken right back to that beautiful early October weekend, down the Jersey shore. Reminiscing about positive past experiences can be joyful and as vivid as memories can be, the truth is the past only exists in our minds. Whether it was an hour or sixteen years ago, whatever happened then is no longer happening right now. On the flip side, reminiscing about or ruminating on negative past experiences, can be extremely painful and can keep you stuck. Don’t Give the PAST the Power to Ruin the PRESENT #LetItGo #MoveOn @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} As a psychotherapist, part of my job is to help people identify if past experiences are limiting their present. We identify traumas and process that pain so they can release harmful patterns that keep them from living freedom-filled lives.The purpose of drudging up old memories is to honor their injuries so they can move on. It is easy to keep the painful past “alive” by thinking and talking about it. Sharing stories about a horrendous breakup or ruminating on your dislike of an old coworker does you a disservice by taking you back to those emotions you already experienced. I will ask clients who continuously ruminate on the past, if they would consciously want to re-live the...
HELP!

HELP!

“Who run the world? GIRLS!” ~Beyonce If given the task, I believe you could probably run the world. You already run your home, family, and a successful career, while juggling all of the day-to-day tasks required to make life work. You’re independent and you know how to get sh*t done. Sometimes you may wish you had more help, but let’s face it, no one else is as efficient and precise as you. Delegating may be difficult because you believe if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. Time and time again you’ve been proven right when others reveal their inability to get the job done properly. As a result your to-do list is never-ending—though there are moments when you realize you could really use a break. Never ASKING for or ACCEPTING Help BLOCKS Intimacy #JustSayThanks @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} If this sounds at all like you, then it’s time to ask for help, as resistant as you may be. You may have become accustomed to doing it all on your own. Perhaps you don’t want to “bother” or “burden” friends, family or colleagues by asking for help, insight or guidance. Or you simply don’t trust other people to do a job as well as you. However, this do-it-yourself habit can create feelings of isolation. Not to mention that going at it alone is a lot less fun. The World Will be Saved by the Western Woman ~Dalai Lama #AndHerTribe via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} I agree with the Dalai Lama but want to add; she won’t be doing it alone. The Superwoman Syndrome—doing it all...