Love Archives - Page 2 of 8 - terri cole
Partner or Project: Do You Manage Your Relationships?

Partner or Project: Do You Manage Your Relationships?

How would you describe your relationship style? Do you treat your partner as a person to relate to or a project to be managed? The way you relate in a romantic relationship has everything to do with what you experienced growing up. This is what I call your, Downloaded Love Blueprint. In my parents marriage my mother was constantly trying to manage my father. She withheld information that would upset him and we were expected to organize around him and what he wanted. I learned that I did not want that type of relationship. When I met my husband Vic, I knew that our relationship was different from those in my past. I could be myself. I wasn’t afraid of what he thought or how he would react to things. His words and actions were consistent. Instead of managing him, I felt fully supported by him and vice versa. “Allow yourself to be an anchor and anchored by others.” ― Asa Don Brown via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Being in a relationship where you are ‘managing’ your partner is really doing a disservice to both of you. This behavior falls into the category or having, The Disease to Please. And the real question is how can anyone authentically love you if you don’t allow them to authentically know you? Trying to manage another person denies you of real support and denies the other person the opportunity to step into their potential as a partner, not a project. A supportive relationship starts with two people who take care of themselves, first. Being with someone who enhances your life rather than...
Become a Master of Love

Become a Master of Love

I don’t know if kindness is the only thing that matters, but I know it is VERY important @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring out the best in you, and the worst in you. According to relationship expert Harville Hendrix, we unconsciously choose romantic partners who mirror our unresolved childhood wounds (hopefully so they can be resolved, but that does not always happen.). For an array of reasons the romantic relationship can be an emotionally loaded connection where behavior can swing from extreme kindness to extreme cruelty. It’s interesting, when you think about how good it feels to be kind, how many people find themselves stuck in a pattern of behaving in an unkind manner towards their partner. Snapping, harsh words, an aggressive tone and thoughtless action all chip away at the foundation that a relationship is built on. For many couples the issue is not intentional cruelty but a lack of intentional kindness. “Be a little kinder than you have to.” ― E. Lockhart via @Terri_Cole  {CLICK TO TWEET} Click to read the Masters of Love Study on Kindness Being kind is not always easy. Your partner will undoubtedly annoy and frustrate you. You will not always agree and there will always be life challenges that can strain your relationship. Though the more you practice kindness in your day to day life with your partner, the better equipped you both will be for the times when being kind feels like the most difficult thing to do. “Be kind anyway.” – Mother Teresa via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Kindness to be like a muscle...
Can You Flip It?

Can You Flip It?

Lately I’ve been talking a lot about fear! As many of you know, decoding fear is a passion of mine. And if you know my story you know that fear and I have had an interesting relationship throughout my life. I went from believing I was living fearlessly, to being afraid to be alone in my own home, to working through that fear and committing my life to helping others do the same. Fear shows up in some interesting ways. It can be an extremely tricky emotion to master because it takes on many forms, often masquerading as logical emotions. Fear can dictate your behavior, in ways that keep you feeling frustrated, uninspired and confused. Many of my clients and students feel trapped, in subtle and more obvious ways, by fear. FEAR blocks you from living a life you LOVE. Flip the Script on Fear & Become UnStoppable @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Then there are the people that we all see, kicking the crap out of their Mafia Minds. They are taking risks, putting themselves out there to be seen. They don’t let fear of failure stop them from going for it. These people have businesses they love, healthy and happy relationships with rich, satisfying lives. And because I know them, and have worked to become one of them, I can say that when you transform your relationship to fear you become unstoppable. Do you have dreams you are unwilling to give up on? Flip the Script on Fear @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} It’s not that people who are living their dreams are fearless. It’s that their dreams, their happiness and...
Are You Living the Thin Line Between Love & Hate

Are You Living the Thin Line Between Love & Hate

It’s a thin line between LOVE and HATE ~ Poindexter Brothers via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Have you ever noticed that the person you love the most can also enrage you the most? Love and hate are two of the most intense emotional states humans can experience. Although they seem diametrically opposed, in reality they have much in common. Love and hate can be seemingly irrational and can lead to heroic and some pretty diabolical deeds. Both can also be all consuming. You probably know (or are related to) a couple who hate each other with such a passion that the divorce proceedings drag on for years. They are pouring as much energy into the now defunct relationship as they did when still coupled which keeps them fiercely connected to each other. The thin line between these two emotions is not just observable in a social context. According to a recent scientific study, love and hate are intimately linked within the human brain. While studying the physical nature of hate, the scientists discovered that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for hate are the same as those that are used while experiencing the feeling of romantic love. This study creates a new understanding of the quick flip from love to hate after a heartbreak, for many people. So why is it important to handle your emotions so you don’t waste the rest of your life re-telling the atrocious story of so and so? Because when you can’t stop hating on your Ex, you are not emotionally separated from them. Unconsciously, hating maintains the connection, sometimes referred...

The 7 Day Lovin’ Challenge

I have really been feelin’ the love lately. My birthday was last week and I experienced a flood of loving thoughts and wishes from all corners of my life. It was a beautiful reminder of how love has the power to lift our moods, soothe our bodies and calm our minds. It got me thinking about how vital giving and receiving love is to our overall wellbeing. I started researching scientific studies on the measurable effect love has on the human body. The impact negative emotions and the hormones they activate, have on our physiology is well documented. By now most of you are familiar with the damaging effects of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. But did you know that healthy love hormones, like dopamine and serotonin, are similarly triggered to flood your system when you are feeling love? The amazing thing about love is that you can choose to feel it. You are self determined in how loving you are in your relationships and in the world. You can choose LOVE in every step, every interaction & every moment. @Terri_Cole  {CLICK TO TWEET}   Most of you will agree that it’s easy to be loving when life is good and everything is running according to your plan. The real challenge is to be loving when you’re sitting in traffic, PMS-ing or your waiter spills the Merlot on your white blouse. When you’ve had a stressful hour, day or week, can you still walk in love? That is the question and I believe the answer is, YES. That is why I am inviting you to … Join...

Addicted to Technology?

About six months ago, I challenged you to unplug at least a couple hours a day or maybe, if you were brave, to make an entire day “tech free.” The comments varied—from people saying it was helpful and would accept the challenge to many others who said there was no way they could create boundaries when it came to their devices. This latter group interested me, and I decided to look deeper into the research being done on technology addiction. If you’re one of the many who cannot go to sleep without first checking Facebook or Twitter, this is for you. Do you understand what is actually happening in your brain? As with other addictions, dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain responsible for pleasure, is released when someone “likes” your status update or mentions you on Twitter. And, just like other addictive substances, the dopamine release is short-lived and leaves you craving more. In essence, we’ve become a bit like Pavlov’s dogs—every time our phone sounds an alert, we’re on it instantaneously, despite what else we might have going on at the moment. This leads to an issue I am seeing with increasing frequency in my therapy practice: Real world personal relationships being negatively impacted by virtual activity/addiction. Many clients are expressing frustration—it seems their partners are more interested in what’s happening online than in actuality. The issues range from never feeling fully heard or seen (because the person they’re baring their soul to is simultaneously “listening” while instagramming their meal, because who can live another second without seeing another kale salad or heart-shaped almond milk foam on a...