Effective Communication Archives - terri cole
Setting Personal and Emotional Boundaries

Setting Personal and Emotional Boundaries

Are you able to say “no” to your friends and family? Can you establish healthy boundaries in your relationships? Or are your bad boundaries sabotaging your REAL LOVE story? (among other relationships)         In this week’s episode of the Real Love Revolution video series, we are diving deep into a topic many people struggle with: Boundaries! If you don’t know how to establish and maintain healthy, authentic boundaries in your relationship, your partner can’t satisfy your needs or true desires because you aren’t clearly expressing them. Bad boundaries strain personal relationships and the accumulation of frustration plus miscommunication ultimately creates resentment later on. They can also keep you in a victim mentality. This mindset makes you believe it is everyone else’s fault for not understanding what you want. Here’s the reality – if you don’t create clear boundaries for yourself in all of your relationships, you can’t expect the people in your life to know what you want or don’t want. Healthy boundaries allow for an equal partnership where both the power and responsibilities are shared. You can’t have real love without really explicit and healthy boundaries! In this video for Week 3 of the Real Love Revolution, you will learn: Types of Personal Boundaries Tips and Language to Create Healthy Boundaries Why Boundaries are Necessary for Real Love Where to Set Boundaries in Your Life and Relationships How to Create a Support System Click here for a Boundaries Cheat Sheet to use as a baseline for creating healthy boundaries, starting with eliminating the auto-”YES” syndrome. (Hint: “No” can be a complete sentence!) Drop me a...
The Struggle to Set Boundaries

The Struggle to Set Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries and enforcing them builds self-worth & confidence—both very sexy qualities. @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} The struggle to set boundaries in relationships and in life is one of the most common issues I hear about in my sessions with clients. Many people, women especially, find themselves feeling drained and resentful because they are constantly doing things for others that they would rather not do. Since their boundaries are unclear (either to themselves or others) they continue to give away their energy, time and personal power. When you have weak boundaries, it’s almost impossible to prioritize your own needs, wants and desires. For many people personal boundaries can be difficult to define because the lines are invisible, can change, and are unique to each and every individual. In order to have a strong sense of self, it’s vital that you understand and express your boundaries as they allow you to protect and take care of yourself.  Having personal boundaries (and sticking to them) is also a huge part of having healthy and happy relationships, especially romantic. Personal boundaries define where you end and others begin, both psychically and emotionally. Setting and keeping boundaries is about honoring your feelings. When you don’t assert healthy boundaries you are essentially giving up your right to choose and your power. Your ability to draw boundaries with love is heavily influenced by what you witnessed from your family of origin. For example, if mom was constantly taking care of everyone else (particularly those over the age of six), then you may find yourself as a parent, friend or employee doing the same; feeling...
Are You in the Tank?

Are You in the Tank?

So many of my most creative and inspired ideas come to me when I’m having fun. And one of my favorite ways to have fun is by spending time with friends. Whether I am exploring a personal issue, something family related or wanting to create my next business idea, getting together with my posse is a surefire way to get feedback and support. Two heads are better than one! via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Many people have become accustomed to doing it all on their own. They don’t want to ‘bother’ or ‘burden’ friends, family or even colleagues by asking for help, insight or guidance. Though this do-it-yourself habit can be uninspiring and create feelings of isolation. Not to mention going at it alone is a lot less fun, in my book. You DON’T have to do it all ALONE. Stop Trying-Start Asking! @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Most people are excited to give you their opinions and advice if you just ask. Even though your mafia mind may be telling you otherwise. The truth is people enjoy helping people. I know for myself I get inspired and lit up, when I know I can bring value to another. I also feel honored when someone asks me to give them my insight on an issue that’s important to them. There is a sense of satisfaction and camaraderie that comes from knowing you have been a catalyst in some way for another’s success.Giving helpful advice is like giving a gift, and I would say most people enjoy giving as much or more than they do receiving. There is power in numbers...
What About Your Friends?

What About Your Friends?

Shortly after I graduated with my Masters from NYU, I moved back to New Jersey to be with my new husband, and his boys. Even though the town I was moving to was only 10 miles outside Manhattan, I was afraid that I was going to feel disconnected and out of the loop with with my circle of friends. From the moment I moved to NYC my circle of supportive women were my ever present team for support and sanity! I know I am not unique in my need for close female relationships. Women are natural bridgers and connectors. A landmark study conducted by Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor revealed that women react to stress differently than men. Stressed men tend to respond by removing themselves from the situation, fighting back or suppressing their emotions. This study revealed that when women are stressed they seek out the comfort of other women or ‘tend and befriend’ as they named it. This illuminated the importance of female bonding and connectedness. Another study emphasizing the importance of friendships was conducted by David Spiegel who studied the survival rate of women with breast cancer. He found that those women who had a strong, supportive circle of friends outlived by many years their counterparts who lived in social isolation. Find Your #POWERPOSSE Online & Elevate Your Sense of Belonging @Terri_Cole #GetConnected {CLICK TO TWEET} A sense of belonging is a basic human need, just like food and water. Solitary confinement would not be considered a form of punishment if isolation wasn’t so powerful. If you are without community and feeling alone please know what...
Do You Say What You Mean?

Do You Say What You Mean?

Communication is key to keeping you healthy, happy and thriving in business and in life @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} We all long to be understood. Whether it’s in business or your personal life, everyone wants to feel like they are being heard and that what they say matters. The interesting thing about communication is that your capacity to do so translates into everything you do. The way you do one thing thing is the way you do everything, most of the time. This means that difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings in your personal relationships, can easily spill over into the communication around your business and professional life. Ineffective communication is not only frustrating for the person trying to communicate but also for the person on the receiving end. Imagine a consultant, co-worker or client trying to convey their needs, wants or ideas to you in a way that was unclear and scattered. Most likely this would leave you feeling confused and misdirected. If you ever feel like people just don’t ‘get you,’ your communication style may be why. As a therapist and an online business owner, I can tell you that what you say and how you say it is vital to your personal and professional success. While not everyone is born with great communication skills I believe that you can learn to more effectively and efficiently express yourself. There are plenty of ways to improve your ability to communicate. However you must first identify what type of communicator you are. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and think. How do you communicate? Are you passive? Do...
Partner or Project: Do You Manage Your Relationships?

Partner or Project: Do You Manage Your Relationships?

How would you describe your relationship style? Do you treat your partner as a person to relate to or a project to be managed? The way you relate in a romantic relationship has everything to do with what you experienced growing up. This is what I call your, Downloaded Love Blueprint. In my parents marriage my mother was constantly trying to manage my father. She withheld information that would upset him and we were expected to organize around him and what he wanted. I learned that I did not want that type of relationship. When I met my husband Vic, I knew that our relationship was different from those in my past. I could be myself. I wasn’t afraid of what he thought or how he would react to things. His words and actions were consistent. Instead of managing him, I felt fully supported by him and vice versa. “Allow yourself to be an anchor and anchored by others.” ― Asa Don Brown via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET} Being in a relationship where you are ‘managing’ your partner is really doing a disservice to both of you. This behavior falls into the category or having, The Disease to Please. And the real question is how can anyone authentically love you if you don’t allow them to authentically know you? Trying to manage another person denies you of real support and denies the other person the opportunity to step into their potential as a partner, not a project. A supportive relationship starts with two people who take care of themselves, first. Being with someone who enhances your life rather than...