Being loving to yourself and others isn’t always easy. You can get stuck ruminating on mistakes you’ve made in the past and painful messages (often from childhood) can create beliefs that there is something wrong with you that needs to be “fixed” for you to be worthy of love. You may also be repeating dysfunctional patterns in love that you learned long ago. You can uncover your truth and learn a new way of being in a relationship that brings you joy. The only part that needs fixing is the idea that you aren’t worthy of wonderful, magical over the moon love.
The more you give to yourself the more incredible your life can become. During these 21 days we will focus on specific actions you can take to become a magnet for an abundance of love in your life. Let’s get started!
Love, love, love,
In Western Society, if you’re successful and a go-getter, you don’t wait for something to happen, you make it happen. So allowing things to happen may seem counterintuitive. Being passive may feel like you are not doing enough. But there is something to observing and allowing things to happen WHILE you take steps every day towards your dreams. The control that we think we have over our lives and our destiny is just an illusion…being busy, having lists upon lists is just a way to bind anxiety. As you create more expansion and trust in your mind to allow things to happen, you might be pleasantly surprised. Everything is possible.
If you’re single and waiting to partner, it is your bright light that will lead your partner to you. Your bright light is your unique gifts and talents. It is all the things that make you undeniably uniquely you. There has never been another you, and there never will be another you. Part of what lets your light shine is embracing your uniqueness and not trying to conform.
It’s easy how someone might see self-care as selfish, but the flip side of that is it is really unhealthy to be too self-sacrificing to make your partner happy. That generally just makes you both unhappy. There is a way to find a balance, but you have to prioritize your own care and your own desires. You have to honor your separateness as well as your togetherness in order to be healthy.
Often people who are seeking love, actually look for other people to complete something for them or give them something that ultimately they must be able to provide for themselves. The love and the self-worth has to come from within. No one can GIVE it to you. No one can MAKE you happy. That comes from within. You can be feeling grateful for what is right and for the love that is in your life right now. Visualize what it is for you to live the love you want in your life right now.
Words have wings. Things that you think and say impact your energy, your vibration. Work on getting off the gunk that is blocking you and your light so that your light can shine bright. Talk about what you want. Talk about possibility, meeting your beloved, tell friends and family that you are ready for love, talk about creating more love with your partner. Language is so important when it comes to attracting opportunities; Choosing positive words and a attitude helps raise your vibration and create a space for more love. Lead with your heart.
Do a little research in your own life…what couples do you know and can you look at as examples of healthy relationships or how love lasts? If you can SEE that it exists, you can start to believe that is can exist for you. This isn’t about making anyone wrong, it’s about you realizing you have the power to create something different. Something that makes you feel good and what’s your heart’s desire. But you have to be able to see it.
So often as adults, in romantic relationships we seek to play out unresolved injuries from childhood. Acting out these injuries doesn’t resolve them. Talking about them and understanding them, and understanding what makes you tick is how you move past them. When you look at these things, and look at your choices and the relationships you’ve been in, you will start to understand why you’ve chosen the people you’ve chosen in your life and why they’ve chosen you.
When you are able to understand yourself, you will find the keys to the love you seek in your life. The answers will always be inside you.
Are there limiting beliefs that are holding you back? Do you think you’re too old or that you missed the boat? These beliefs are energetically impacting what is happening in your life. It is NEVER too late. You can change your mind right now and start making space in your mind and in your heart. Be brave enough to hope. When we think it’s too late, we are too afraid to hope. But it’s that hope of being able to see it, to imagine it, to believe it that magnetizes it to you. Whether you’re partnered or not, look at the way you’ve arranged your life. In what ways can you change your space to make more room (and time) for your beloved?
As you celebrate yourself, that creates more self-love which in turn acts as a magnet for other love in your life. Think of some small ways you can celebrate yourself…running on a beach, making snow angels, celebrating your inner child. Carefree joy is contagious. So much of self-celebration is tapping back into your inner child. When you were a little kid, you could easily name your favorite color, your favorite food, your favorite tv show or activity. As adults we overthink too much. How have your likes and dislikes changed over the years? What has stayed the same?
There is so much value in having a tribe of like-minded supportive people in your life. I create what I call a “positive power posse”, which is really just you finding your tribe. Are the friends in your life happy for you when good things happen to you or are they jealous? Can you tell them anything, or do you censor yourself? When you think about finding and growing your tribe, look to the people in your life who are your cheerleaders, the ones that are always supportive and happy for you. They are your core. Create your tribe around a space of total support, respect, acceptance and non-judgement.
People often give away their power without even knowing it, and give it to people who don’t even want it! When you allow people to push your buttons, you are in reaction-mode and giving away your power. Investing too much in what people think about you, getting defensive, acquiescing, acting on guilt, becoming submissive or needing others’ approval are all forms of giving away your personal power. Being un-empowered often makes you feel like a victim. So take ownership and personal responsibility for your actions and embrace your power!
Think about how you regard your body. Can you hear what your gut instinct is saying or are you ruled by your mind or fear? Meditation can help you dial into what your body is trying to tell you. To get more in tune with your body’s wisdom, ask yourself these questions every day (1) What is my energy level and (2) how is my mood? The key to hearing the wisdom that is always there for you in your own body is giving yourself permission to hear it.
“No” is really misunderstood and often associated with negativity, and it’s really not. When you say No to something you really don’t want to do, you are actually saying YES to your life, your desires, your heart. You have a choice to say No all the time. So much of the time we say Yes because we are afraid to be rejected or afraid of what other people may think about us. How often do you say Yes when you really want to say No?
Dating you is really about treating yourself in a special way that allows you to get in touch with what you really want in a relationship (even if you are in one). It connects you with how you want to be loved, allows you to see how much you have to offer, how much you can fulfill your own desires so that love can be a choice.
Take time to appreciate your body. Notice something beautiful and amazing about your body. Feel appreciation for you body carrying you throughout your day. You can only make body changes through the space of self love, of body love.
Think about all the little ways you can find joy in your daily life…watching children play, being childlike, getting out in nature, helping someone else, traveling, spending time with an animal, singing, dancing. You have control over how much joy you experience.
What words do you use on a daily basis when you are talking about yourself? When you’re talking about prospects in life, when you’re talking about things that have happened, what kind of a voice do you have inside your head? Start speaking to yourself with the same kindness you would speak to a five year old with. Speak to yourself with kindness and beauty. We show people how to treat us by letting them see the way we treat ourselves. And they follow suit. Instead of affirming what is wrong in your life, start to affirm what is right about your life, your body, your talents. What you focus your attention on grows.
Breathe in life force energy – chi, prana, vitality. Feel your own energy merging with the greater energy around you and in the universe. Think about whether or not you prioritize your pleasure. If you don’t no one else will. It is important because it is good for you, your mind and your body. It could be amazing food, delicious sex, or simply laughing. There is a feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment that comes from allowing yourself to do something for no other reason than to make yourself feel good. Experiencing pleasure regularly has the power to relieve stress and change brain chemistry.
Are you present, loving and kind to people as you go through your daily life?
Pay attention to the areas in your life where you’re not being loving. We bring more love into our lives by becoming more loving ourselves. Be kind, empathic, passionate. Ask people how they are and actually wait for their answer. Look them in the eye with a smile. Take that moment to truly connect. Create a space to care for another human and their experience.
When we hold onto the past, we keep ourselves prisoners. In order to see new possibilities, you have to be able to release the past. Letting go of the past is a key component to creating the future you want.
New possibilities are always within your reach. However, what keeps you blocked from these new possibilities are old ways of thinking, doing and being that no longer serve you. By opening up your mind and heart through meditation, you create space that allows you to expand beyond what you think you know and who you think you are.