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Are You the Next Contestant on The Blame Game?

Take a moment to think about your relationships and your life. Do you blame other people for your lack of happiness or success? Do you think if that other person would just _______, then you would be happy?

When you blame others, you are giving them power over you. A power most of them do not even want. But, in your mind, these other people have the control in determining your destiny. As a self-empowered, Fearless and Free type of person, I am sure the last thing you want is even the illusion of someone else in the driver’s seat of your life! Besides, believing someone else can make or break your happiness or success is simply inaccurate.

The first step to creating your own happiness is to take full responsibility for your life and its bounty. When you find yourself repeating the rhetoric, “if only he would do this….”, stop talking, take a deep breath, and reframe. Awareness that you are playing the blame game is the first step to stopping it.

I am curious to see what shifts for you when you reclaim your power. Drop a comment and share your insight!

Have an AMAZING week, and, as always, take care (and responsibility) of YOU!

Love Love Love

Terri

22 Comments

  1. I’m up for the challenge! I’m excited to see where it takes me! Thank you!

    Reply
    • That’s great, Sheree! Circle back with me – I’m interested to hear how things shift for you over the next week or so. xo…

      Reply
  2. Terri, thank you so much for sharing your devine giftedness with me (us).
    Allan

    Reply
    • well I am working on this right now and looking forward to my new growth and finding out my true purpose in my life. It is about time for me!

      Reply
      • HERE HERE DONNA! YES IT IS TIME. LET;S MAKE A PACK RIGHT NOW THAT YOU WILL CONSIDER YOURSELF AND YOUR FEELINGS FIRST, OK?

        LOVE LOVE LOVE
        TERRI

        Reply
    • Thank for being here with us Allen <3

      Reply
  3. Need to hear this….struggling with ALWAYS pleasing people and getting NOTHING back. Even more so after having breast cancer last year, my self worth is based on “if I do more for people” then maybe they will be there for me…just found your site and boy do I need you!! Keep writing.

    Reply
    • Peggy-
      So happy you found me! More good stuff to come <3

      Reply
  4. Fear is more powerful than I ever imagined. My mother was afraid of everything and never stepped off the curb. That is how I was raised, but I did not raise my children that on purpose SHe is a good person and loved us but made us feel afraid of getting out of the bos and into the world with allof its dangers and boogeyman and risk. It is hard to overcome that after 50 years. I will always be afraid of spiders, but I look to stop being so afraid of them that I wont enter the basement.

    Reply
    • I can so relate to this. My father was the same as your mother. It’s like that Kelly Clarkson song: “Because of you, I never strayed too far from the sidewalk, ’cause I might get hurt.” I grew up afraid of the water, sports, climbing trees, people, the phone, trying ANYthing new. For years I didn’t realize this fear came from him, and I don’t play the blame game in other aspects of my life. But it is really challenging to look at myself and my total lack of talents and abilities without seeing my father – and how I was raised to fear EVERYthing. How do you get past being told, “Don’t be disappointed if you don’t make it” every time you summoned the courage to try out for a team? It was even harder for me, being painfully shy – no self esteem.

      When I meet new people, I dread the typical questions about hobbies, etc. I never have anything interesting to say. And I am surrounded by overachievers and highly accomplished people with extremely successful parents. Here I am, I’m in my 40s and still have no idea what I want to be or do when I grow up. It’s pathetic. I now realize it’s a parents job to help their children find their talents, abilities, passions and gifts. I feel like such a loser sometimes. It’s hard not to be angry with my father.

      Reply
      • Kay-
        I hear what you are saying and understand how you feel. Let me suggest you spend two hours a week volunteering with someone in need. Trust me…just do it. It will shift something for you. “The fastest way to your own happiness is to make another happy.”~Deepak Chopra

        Reply
      • A person cannot unscramble eggs. I am a mom who has struggled a lot with adult kids blaing me for thing, some valid gripes and some not. Parents are not The Higher Power. They are fellow human beings on a journey called “Life” amd you are a have been an important partof theirs, with abilities, and frailties– just like youself. Hopefully you can turn it over to your Higher Power. In AA we say.”Let go and let God”.

        Reply
    • Kimberly-
      Thanks for sharing your story with us. You my dear are doing an AMAZING job not handing down all that fear to your kids! Not about being perfect just about doing better than our parents did for us…keep up the great work! <3

      Reply
  5. THANK U for all ur Articles !!!

    I am grateful that you share your articles with the world. We are wiser with each of your words.

    GOD BLESS YOU

    Reply
    • Thanks for being here Hema! <3

      Reply
  6. I’ve always heard people say to not be a victim etc etc, but it annoyed me because you can’t help it if you grow up in a bad home. But lately, I’ve been realizing that I need to stop trying to please my parents, and just live my life how I want to live it. My mom has always been extremely controlling, pushy, manipulative and verbally abusive. And I was always her doormat… I was responsible for her happiness and it wasn’t until this weekend that I learned that I really am not responsible for her happiness, even though that’s how she raised me. I still feel a little guilty, but I wrote her a long email setting new boundaries so she couldn’t be constantly criticizing me, using me etc. I’m starting to take responsibility for my life and happiness, but I don’t really feel it 100% yet. I was raised to be a perfectionist, so I’m really afraid of trying new things where I might fail. So that’s been holding me back from living my life the way I want to live it. But I really am learning a lot from your website. Thanks!!

    Reply
    • Right on Christa! Slow ans steady is the way transformation happens. You are now on the right path and you will get there. It is really amazing what you have already realized and you are completely correct.YOU are only responsible for your own happiness as it is not even possible to be responsible for another person’s (even if you wanted to). So release the idea of perfection and go for growth and learning because that is where all the juicy stuff is! Know that I am cheering you on like a wild maniac!! <3

      Reply
      • Thanks Terri! :) I’ve tried to make changes like this in the past, but I tried to do it all by myself without help, and I usually got scared of doing anything big. But this time, I’ve told a couple friends and it really helps to have both encouragement and accountability. I’m going to turn 30 next May and my goal is to free myself from my past and be the person I want to be by my birthday. Also, I’m not trying to just change my relationship with my family – I’m trying to change everything. Like the clothes I wear, the hobbies I have, everything. I’ve never been free to be myself… But I don’t want to waste anymore of my life trying to live the way someone else (even my mom) thinks I should live. I guess you could say I want to be fearless and free :)

        Reply
  7. After finding out my husband had a long affair and we stayed together. Building trust back from such betrayal, lies and deceit over a long period and finding that he was dishonest in so many trivial things also. He claims he was dishonest in other areas with me because he is afraid of my anger.
    Now that we have tried to put our marriage back together and I need honesty in even the smallest trivial everyday things. I find he still leaves at part of a situation or implies he has done something he really hasn’t done but did later. He still claims he doesn’t want me to get mad.
    As you can tell, he has self worth issues and is afraid of anyone being upset or mad at him due to fear of rejection/not liking him. Is this someone who has been dishonest for so long in so many areas of life that he doesn’t even recognize he is dishonest. And when I set my boundary and tell him I need honesty in all things, he says he is sorry, he made a mistake and he I trying? How do I handle this boundary that he continues to break?

    Reply
    • Diane-
      Sounds like you have done a lot of work but need help from a couples therapist. Your husband needs to understand why he is so afraid of confrontation and he needs to understand how omitting details kicks up your fear that he is always hiding something. A good therapist can help you. Good luck!

      Reply
  8. I really liked it i thought those were good tips to a heathy realationship

    Reply
    • Shelby
      So glad the post resonated with you and that you are here with us!

      Reply

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  1. Terri Cole: becoming-fearlessly-independent | Screw Cable - [...] Be Responsible Take the blame for things that are your fault. Depend on yourself to get things done. Own …

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