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Are You Robbing Yourself of a Joyful Life?

“Comparison is the thief of joy” ~ Dwight Edwards

What does this quote mean? How does comparing yourself to others rob you of your own joy?

In your search to create your unique, joy-filled life, you must remember that You = The Only ONE.

You will struggle to live a pleasure-filled life if you do not tap into your core self and who you really are and instead waste precious time wondering why you don’t have the job, the looks, the money, the family, etc. etc. etc. that someone else has. Not embracing and celebrating your uniqueness causes you to conform and stuff yourself down, eventually leading to your one-of-a-kind qualities being lost or forgotten. In conforming, you lose your light, which can lead to feelings of depression and powerlessness.

The Ego, or Self, will fall into one of these categories as a way to cope with the loss of empowerment:

1. High Ego – power hungry; self absorbed; focus on external image; needs validation from others; blames/condemns others in order to boost self
2. Low Ego – no power; codependency; lost/confused; plays martyr; never feels gets what deserves; over carrying and worrying; always doubting self and putting self down

Interestingly enough, the high and low egos are two sides of the same coin. Both mask their genuine self by looking outside for the answers, are overly concerned with the image they are portraying, and are never satisfied.

All of the qualities you deem unacceptable and, therefore, deny or ignore become your shadow self. The construction of the shadow self goes back to your upbringing and what qualities were held in esteem. Living in your truth means accepting and embracing all aspects of YOU. Since you are the only you now and evermore, trying to live another’s life is simply impossible.

When you do embrace your entire being, your ego becomes balanced – empowered; identifies self with internal self; lives from and accepts core self (truth); does not have to defend needs but can clearly express them.

Comparing is the opposite of embracing yourself. This week, I want you to answer the following questions to help you reveal your essence and celebrate your uniqueness:

1. What do your friends say about you?
2. What are you known for?
3. What sets you apart?
4. How do you embrace the qualities from #1-3 and accept yourself for possessing them?

Focus on the qualities that set you apart, honor your integrity in all you do, and accept your shadow self with kindness. No one else has your unique gifts and talents.

There is not one right way that leads to authentic happiness. Remembering this can help you avoid the comparison trap, which fuels the development of high or low ego. The balanced ego recognizes the many paths to living your truth and loving your life.

I hope you have an amazing week celebrating being YOU!

Love Love Love

Terri

14 Comments

  1. I literally started to cry during your video. This whole post came at just the right time and I am going to be sharing it with all my friends. Love you and your work!

    <3 Nitika

    Reply
    • Thank you Nitika! You are not alone my dear in the pain you have experienced from comparing. I am so glad you are on the right I AM THE ONLY AWESOME ME path now!
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  2. Yes! Yes! I spent so many years comparing myself to others. I’ve been so much happier since I got over it (mostly) and was just happy and satisfied to be me.
    Thank you!
    – Bryan

    Reply
    • Bryan-
      I so appreciate your comment as sometimes it is more difficult for men to dig deep in this way to find there TRUTH! Congrats for being BRAVE! So happy to have you here xo
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  3. I agree with Nitika ;) I teared up too. I always believe in being the best version of me & not a poor version of someone else… Yet sometimes I look at those people and wish I had what they had. It is my greatest challenge – ESP when they are awesome!!!
    Going to work on this and read this post again ;)

    Reply
    • Thanks for your comment Yvonne! What is so amazing is that there are a zillion different flavors of AWESOME and the only one you need to rock is YOURS! Whoot can’t do it wrong cuz u r the only u!
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  4. During my first class in the fall semester of my last year in grad school, my professor asked us this question: What makes you stand out from all the other graduates in our field. What do you do best that no one else does?
    What a power question to start off the year!
    My fav line in your blog is : “Focus on the qualities that set you apart, honor your integrity in all you do, and accept your shadow self with kindness. No one else has your unique gifts and talents.” So powerful. This quote took me back to that class last August. 9 Months later, because I focused on my qualities that set me apart, stood by my integrity and accepted myself, I landed my dream job. I Am the only me and I love it :)

    Thanks for sharing this post.

    Reply
    • Good for you Kelley!! It is amazing how what we THINK dictates how we FEEL and how we FEEL creates the energy that ATTRACTS what experiences we have. Keep us looped into your new awesome job! Congratulations!
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  5. “Never compare yourself with others, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself and you will become vain or bitter.” Max Ehrmann, Desiderata. If there is one thing my dad taught me, it is to live by these words. Thanks to him, I do every day.

    Reply
    • Kristen-
      You are a lucky girl to have a father with such insight. What a gift to be able to pay forward!
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  6. omagoodness terri. Never have i needed to hear this more than in the very moment i did. i was literally in the middle of seriously comparing myself to a lot of people and starting to shrink. thank you thank you thank you! i do know this, but definitely need to be reminded for sure. lots of love. monica p. xx

    Reply
    • So happy the timing was right and perfect ;) Remember mama YOU= The Only ONE Do your thing-rock your awesome unique-ness and find gratitude in all that is right in your life…right now <3
      love love love
      terri

      Reply
  7. Wonderfull post, thank God we are not all the same, we compare ourselves with others and this leads to judging.
    I do have a question for you, I have suffered from very low ego and have began the transformation of self through mindfullness meditation. The eastern viewpoint of ego is that it should be gotten ride of. This does not sit well with me for some reason, and I have started to trust my intuition. Is the ego like the mind, a wonderfull servant but a terrible master.
    Thanks so much for your wisdom, I will follow your blog more closely,
    Bright Blessings
    Tim

    Reply
    • Tim-
      As a therapist I tend to believe that the ego is a part of being human. and also like you I agree that the ego is a good servant and a cruddy master LOL. So I say keep on your path and continue to trust your
      gut instincts because they are right on point!
      love love love
      terri

      Reply

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