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Freedom.

It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.

Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.

So let’s focus our energy on what will.

Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).

After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.

Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love

Terri

 

 

Terri-Kris“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”

— Kris Carr
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver

Terri-Danielle“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”

— Danielle LaPorte
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map

 

HELP!

HELP!

“Who run the world? GIRLS!” ~Beyonce

If given the task, I believe you could probably run the world. You already run your home, family, and a successful career, while juggling all of the day-to-day tasks required to make life work. You’re independent and you know how to get sh*t done.

Sometimes you may wish you had more help, but let’s face it, no one else is as efficient and precise as you. Delegating may be difficult because you believe if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. Time and time again you’ve been proven right when others reveal their inability to get the job done properly. As a result your to-do list is never-ending—though there are moments when you realize you could really use a break.

Never ASKING for or ACCEPTING Help BLOCKS Intimacy #JustSayThanks @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

If this sounds at all like you, then it’s time to ask for help, as resistant as you may be. You may have become accustomed to doing it all on your own. Perhaps you don’t want to “bother” or “burden” friends, family or colleagues by asking for help, insight or guidance. Or you simply don’t trust other people to do a job as well as you. However, this do-it-yourself habit can create feelings of isolation. Not to mention that going at it alone is a lot less fun.

The World Will be Saved by the Western Woman ~Dalai Lama #AndHerTribe via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

I agree with the Dalai Lama but want to add; she won’t be doing it alone. The Superwoman Syndrome—doing it all on your own—is so last decade! The truth is we all need help and accepting it is an important part of success, joy and freedom. At some point you have to ask yourself what’s more important: spending extra hours at the office to make sure every piece of a project is ‘perfect’ or delegating some tasks to ensure you have more free time to take care of yourself and to be present to what matters?

Whether it’s the clerk asking if you need help carrying grocery bags or a coworker offering to fill out spreadsheets, accept the help. Allow other people to give to you as you so graciously give to others. There is no better feeling than helping someone out, so don’t deny another person that joy.

For the next seven days I want to challenge you to only use the words “Yes” and “Thank you” when you are offered help. Even if you feel like you could do it better, or that you really don’t need the help, accept it anyway. Get into the habit of letting people give to you. No one is meant to go at it alone, including you.

In the comments below type “I’m in” and commit to the challenge. I know this may not feel comfortable but it can be fun. Take this opportunity and enjoy the time you save not trying to get it all done solo. Remember help is not a four letter word (at least not a bad one).

As always take care of you.

Love Love Love,

 

Terri

 

 

*image courtesy of urbanartcore.eu

Fitness: How to Create a Dedicated Exercise Routine

Fitness: How to Create a Dedicated Exercise Routine

Research Proves: Exercise NOW, Increase BRAIN Health LATER #MoveIt # Fitness @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

You know exercise is good for you and makes you feel good. Why then can it be so challenging to get yourself to do it consistently?

You Only Regret the WorkOut You DIDN’T Do #MoveIt #NoRegrets via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Creating a dedicated physical fitness routine is one of my top recommendations to all of my clients, regardless of why they are seeking my advice. I know that no matter what they are trying to figure out or create, a regular exercise routine can add value and clarity. I was amazed to read the findings of a groundbreaking, twenty-five year study, “Cardiorespiratory Fitness and Cognitive Function in Middle Age: The CARDIA Study” that was published in 2014 in the online version of Neurology magazine. In the study they were able to prove a correlation between long term cardio fitness health and better middle age verbal functioning, psychomotor speed (the relationship between thinking skills and physical movement), and executive functioning (the brain’s ability to organize and regulate thought processes.)

We all know that physical fitness reduces the odds of developing heart disease, stroke and type II diabetes. That it can also help you lose weight, tighten and tone your muscles and give you more strength and endurance. That exercise can make daily physical tasks like carrying the groceries and walking up the stairs easier and can also support emotional stamina when it comes to minimizing stress, anxiety and depression. It also releases feel-good hormones to elevate your daily mood. Now we know for sure that the benefits of consistently moving your butt are not just for your body and emotional state but for your brain as well. How amazing is it that getting committed now can potentially lessen your chance of cognitive decline later in life?

Reframe Resistance: You GET 2 (NOT HAVE 2) Work Out! Be #Grateful & #MoveUrAss @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

I know working out can be challenging if you’re just starting out or have fallen off the Soulcycle wagon. I also know that if you’re stressed out and stretched to your limit, working out might be the last thing you want to do. However, science continues to prove that physical fitness is part of the winning formula to a happier and healthier life now and later. If you don’t know where to begin; just do something. You can start by shaking your booty to music you love for one song a day. Then increase it to two and so on. Choose something you will actually do to set yourself up for success. If you have a pal who is committed to fitness, see if they will mentor you or get a fitness buddy who you can walk with for thirty minutes a day to begin. I have had a dedicated fitness routine for the past two decades and what I learned is that, no matter how compelling the 3:00 A.M. infomercial may be, if it’s not fun, I won’t do it. The more good feelings you associate with the activity the more it feels like a privilege rather than a punishment.

For those of you who do exercise, whether you’re consistent with your fitness or not, I want to hear from you in the comments below. How do you feel after working out? And what motivates you to get moving, especially on those days when you really don’t want to? Please share, connect with others and exchange tips in the comments section. I always love hearing from you.

Here’s to moving your butt this week and as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love
Terri

 

*image courtesy of Lower Columbia College

 

Are You Codependent?

Are You Codependent?

Some people are natural nurturers and supporters of others. Traditionally women in our society have been raised to be the caregivers and the connectors in families and communities. These are beautiful and necessary qualities and as long as long as the caring for others is not compulsive and does not come at the expense of self-care, it is a win-win situation.

However, excessive care and compassion can be a sign of codependency. By nature codependents are loving and caring people. They want to protect and help those they love and they usually have an innate sensitivity to the pain of others. Most codependent behaviors originate in dysfunctional family systems. In order to survive the chaos as children they had to be aware of what was going on around them at all times. This was not only exhausting but leads to a reactionary nature. If mom was happy, they could relax. But, if dad came home upset (assuming one or both parents were dysfunctional) then that child would quickly adjust themselves to the situation. What was adaptive behavior to stay safe as a child becomes maladaptive. Organizing around an incapacitated parent teaches a child that focussing on the needs of another is the only ‘safe’ way to be in a relationship and avoid abandonment.
An adult who grew up in that kind of environment would habitually find themselves adjusting to fit the mood of their spouse, children or even their boss.

Codependent behavior can quickly cross the line from caring to controlling. It can include becoming opinionated and even obsessed with the behavior of others. Codependents often take on the emotions and the burdens of those around them. If their partner is having a bad day, they feel upset and responsible, even if it has nothing to do with them. If their child isn’t happy, neither are they. If their sibling is having a problem, they take on that problem as if it were their own.

The term “codependent” has been overused and misused in the media so the actual meaning can be confusing to many people. Author, Melody Beattie, summed it up simply in her modern classic that has helped millions over the past thirty years, Codependent No More-How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, when she wrote, “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

You may or may not recognize codependent relationships in your life. Codependent tendencies can show up in sneaky small ways that still may have the power to cause anxiety, unease and unhappiness.

Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change- Serenity Prayer via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

If you feel overly responsible for the people around you, and grew up in an addictive or abusive family, you are not alone. Many people, especially women, feel the need to put others before themselves (even when they “know” doing so isn’t good for anyone). Codependents tend to react rather than respond to situations. Their childhood experiences can create a heightened sensitivity to stress, pain and problems. There can be a tendency to over react to issues in their own life and in the lives of people they care about, inviting an unnecessary double dose of drama and upset.

As a codependent it is very difficult to find happiness and a sense of self. If you are constantly doing things to make other people happy, you end up neglecting yourself.

Recovering from codependency is not only possible—it can be liberating and even fun. Recovery allows you to focus on yourself and your own needs. You are encouraged to be a little selfish and to take time doing what makes you happy. Any behavior that prevents you from finding peace and happiness is a behavior that deserves your attention and commitment to change. There are many ways to begin a path away from codependency.

Healthy Love Requires Respecting Your Separateness #CoDependentNoMore @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

If you recognize yourself in this post, I encourage you to go to Melody Beattie’s website, look around and get your own copy of, Codependent No More. Learn how to break the cycle of wanting to control other people’s behavior and how to care for yourself.

The support of a group of people who understand what you are going through can also be a key component of recovery.

Codependents Anonymous (aka CoDA) is a twelve-step group specifically for those who struggle with codependent relationships. CoDA describes itself as “a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.” To find a meeting near you go to coda.org.

Even if you decide to join a support group, you may need some hand holding and expert guidance to get you through.

If you suffer from codependent relationships, therapy with a trained professional can be an extremely helpful way for you to break through habitual patterns and heal. Finding a therapist that is right for you may take some time so be patient and know that the right healer is out there. To find a therapist in your area you can visit https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Whether you have some codependent tendencies or are deeply suffering from codependency, I encourage you to begin using the tips and tools above today. You can heal your relationship with yourself and create healthy relationships with others. By creating independent relationships you can begin to take control of your own life and find happiness.

It is one thing to know about your dysfunctional habits, but quite another to change them.
― D. W. Earle via @Terri_Cole {CLICK TO TWEET}

Have you healed from codependent relationships? If so, what tools did you use that worked best? I would love to hear from you and I know other readers would too. Please take a moment to comment below. It’s important to share your experience because you never know who may need to hear what you have to say.

The key to healing is through self-love, support and, as always, taking care of you.

Love Love Love

Terri

*image courtesy of Mitya Ku

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