It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
Have you ever taken a moment to look around your house, office, car, etc. and compare how it looks to how you feel?
If your house is clutter free, do you feel spacious and calm?
If your office is a heap of papers, does it invoke stress and anxiety in you? How about the reverse?
Do your surroundings become disheveled or cleaner based on your frame of mind? Well, there are studies that prove this notion! Your physical and emotional states are always playing off each other, as we are discovering more and more with revelations around the mind-body connection. Body is not only your physical body but your environment as well.
In my years counseling clients, I have encouraged them to analyze their surroundings and create living and working environments that are in line with the life they want to create. My Live Fearless and Free blueprint for daily living, which is a set psychological strategies and actionable solutions to create a life that thrills you, includes creating a custom Zen Den. This doesn’t have to mean completely overhauling the house or gutting your work cubicle. It can be as simple as adding a colorful throw pillow, live plants, or pictures of loved ones to your space. It can also be as basic as taking the time to clean out the car, the pantry, and filing cabinets. Clutter is an energy drain, so clearing it not only frees your space physically but mentally as well.
Creating a sacred space around you and taking care of your environment reminds you to tend to the divine sacred space within you.
You could also set aside a space in your home or office as a dedicated Zen Den. It could be a corner, a desktop, or an entire room. The elements of your sacred space should mirror what calms, soothes, inspires, and uplifts you. My Zen Den is a table strung with white lights, some candles, statues of Buddha, Ganesh, and Shiva, a magnet of Wonder Women, a picture of Deepak Chopra, photos of loved ones, and flowers.
I also have a traveling zen den with little statues and pictures and mala beads that I can set up in a hotel room. Other friends of mine, who travel a lot or are always running around NYC, wear a special piece of jewelry or have a particular wallpaper on their phone or iPad, so that when they look at it, it invokes a sense a calm. This isn’t a “zen den” so much as it is a nice reminder to stay grounded and centered and take a moment to recalibrate.
Creating a sacred space for meditation or to bring comfort is an act of radical self-care. Taking the time to build a space or finding that special “piece” that soothes and nourishes you has a positive ripple effect. When you take care of you first, you have something to offers others.
Do you have a sacred space? What’s in it, and where is it? Have you ever created a meditation altar? If not, I invite you to PIMP YOUR SPACE and get creative!
Go ahead and post your zen den on Instagram! Be sure to tag me @TerriCole and use #zenden so I can check out the awesome space you create.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Hartwig HKD
Ex boyfriend. Ex girlfriend. Ex husband. Ex wife or ex lover, we all have them. Some people have many. Though, your relationship with your ex(es) (or lack thereof) is unique to you and differs from person to person. Perhaps you still talk to your ex from college, while just the idea of your most recent ex angers you to the core. Or you may be co-parenting with your ex-spouse, but still deeply suffering from the pain of that relationship.
Whether a relationship ended twenty years or twenty days ago, the agony caused by a hurtful breakup can create a deep wound. Harboring hate for an ex, which usually stems from pain and fear, can keep you feeling bitter, angry and emotionally stuck. You may even have built up a wall around your heart that blocks you from experiencing true intimacy with others.
As a therapist, I have heard thousands of breakup stories ranging from very sweet to straight up scary. The one thing I can tell you is that no matter what, breaking up is rarely ever easy. It’s often dealing with your emotions after the fact, that is most challenging. Letting your negative feelings fester and turning towards hate can be tempting because anger is an easier emotion for many people to handle than hurt.
If you hate your ex then please know you’re not alone. Though, it’s important that you also know that until you release that hate, your heart will never truly heal. Holding on to hate is as the Buddha said “…like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The hate you carry causes you so much more suffering than it does them.
When you hold hate in your heart for someone you are giving them your time and attention. You are elevating their status and gifting them prime real estate in your mind. From a therapeutic standpoint, you also, most likely have unfinished business with them. When an emotional injury or painful situation is not processed properly or honored appropriately, it continues to draw energy from you.
You deserve over the moon, healthy and happy love. Though, until you forgive your ex for what has been done and take responsibility for your part of the relationship (even if your only part was not ending it sooner), it may be very difficult to create more love in your life.
Every relationship is comprised of good and bad, and in order to see it for how it actually was, not just the way you think it was, you must acknowledge both sides. If you’re still holding on to hate, or even a tiny bit of ill feelings towards an ex (or anyone for that matter) I encourage you to make a list. In this list I want you to create two columns, one where you will list all of the bad and hurtful parts of your past relationship and another where you focus solely on what was good. (If you’re holding onto resentment in your current relationships, you can use this exercise to release that as well.)
This list can help open up your heart and mind and hopefully will bring you to a place where the love that you once shared with your ex overrides the hate. As always, it’s important to remind yourself that forgiveness does not mean condoning. What they did may have been terrible. Forgiveness simply means you are not going to carry the weight of that terrible thing in your heart any longer. Forgiveness is for you.
Remember that forgiveness is a process, so if you don’t feel completely free from hate after writing your first list, that’s okay. As you continue to focus not only on what was bad, but also what was good, your heart and mind will continue to feel lighter and lighter. Then one day you may notice it’s been a week since you thought about so-and-so, and then a month, until one day your ex simply becomes someone you used to know. Ahh, sweet indifference. Imagine not having a single ounce of hate towards the person whose mere existence once caused you such pain. If that’s not freedom, I don’t know what is.
To take things a step further, I invite you to check out my interview with yoga psychologists, Ashley Turner, on my new podcast, HELLO FREEDOM. Ashley and I dive super deep into the idea of conscious uncoupling and she’ll help guide you through the steps of letting go in a way that feels intentional and freeing. You can access the podcast HERE or search Hello Freedom on itunes. Be sure to subscribe.
Now I want to hear from you. In the comments below share with me one good thing about an ex, particularly the one with whom you are most unresolved. I know this may be difficult, but I promise you focusing on the good can only help free you from the pain you carry. If you continue to hold hurt and hate in your heart then I strongly suggest seeking professional help from a trained therapist, you don’t have to do this alone.
There’s always more healing to be done and on this journey I hope you remember to as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
P.S. Want to join in with thousands of other meditators from around the world and enjoy the power of our collective intention to raise our LOVE vibration? Experience your own transformation as we cultivate MORE LOVE together and gain the lasting benefits.
Starting TODAY for 21 days we will focus on specific actions you can take to become a magnet for an abundance of love in your life. So get ready!
*image courtesy of Hayley Bouchard
I often write and talk about harnessing the mind blowing power of your intention to create what you want in your life. Taking action mindfully and with intention on a regular basis is what separates those who simply live their life from those who love the life they are orchestrating.
When you are clear on what it is you want, you can live your life on purpose and with purpose. You can make decisions, behave and speak in ways that are inspired by your desires. Your choices are more often made with intention rather than by habit. Having a strong connection to your intentions, dreams and values helps you to create a life by design rather than default.
By creating and setting intentions you are taking responsibility for your happiness. Intention setting is not the equivalent of handing your wish list to the Universe and waiting for your desired results or not taking action steps towards your desired outcome but ‘hoping’ it will happen none the less. Setting intentions is deciding what you want, what you are willing to do to make it happen and not stopping until it becomes your reality.
For best results I suggest setting intentions at the beginning of every day, right after your morning meditation. Setting intentions can help you create success and stay on track no matter what you decide to do. Some of my favorite intentions that I set almost daily include intentions to stay internally peaceful, to extend love others and to move my body in a way that feels good and healthy. When I create intentions, I create focus, and that focus guides me throughout my day and week.
If you are eager to learn more about why you should start to set intentions (and how it can change your life) then head on over to my Hello Freedom podcast. Today, I interview positive thought leader, the founder of intent.com and author of Living with Intent, Mallika Chopra. We chat about meditation, mindfulness and she dishes out some simple tips that you can use to create more power and purpose in your life right now.
To listen CLICK HERE. Make sure to leave a review if you enjoy the podcast and don’t forget to subscribe.
Now I want to hear from you. In the comments below please let me know if you set intentions? Whether this is a practice you’ve been using for years or something you just learned about today, I want to challenge you to start setting intentions today! Also if you’d like to commit to a 7 day intention setting challenge, simply type “I’m in!” in the comments below. Then throughout the week you can either post your intentions on my Facebook page or your own and make sure to tag me @TerriCole,LCSW so I can see what you’re focused on!
I can’t wait to connect with you and read your intentions throughout this week. Keep up the awesome work and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Kenny Cole