It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
For much of last year I struggled with insomnia. I had half heartedly tried a myriad of natural remedies with half hearted results. My husband,Vic had some thoughts and ideas about how getting off my computer a few hours before bed might help but I ignored him. It was as if the illusion of doing something was keeping me busy saying I was ‘working’ on it but I didn’t actually commit to any one modality long enough to know if it would cure my sleeplessness. Then I was lucky enough to attend a delicious week long retreat aptly titled, Get Back to Bliss, in Costa Rica lead by my pal and divinely inspired teacher, Dr. Deb Kern. The first thing Dr. Deb helped us do was identify our ‘energy leaks.’ There was no way for me to deny that late night, mindless Netflix binging on spy shows from the 90’s (Alias, anyone?) was a major energy leak. So for a full week I was off the computer all together and guess what? I slept seven to ten hours a night. The act of choosing one focussed action to stay committed to cured my insomnia. When I returned to real life, I chose 9pm or earlier as the unplug time and I am still sleeping just fine.
Can you identify one behavior or circumstance, that you would give anything to be free from? That one thorn in your side that keeps you up at night (pun intended or haunts your thoughts throughout the day. Perhaps it’s been on your to-do list for months now or maybe it’s been a goal of yours or an issue you’ve been facing for years. Regardless of how long something has been on your radar, almost everyone has at least one thing in their life that they wish were different.
However, as much you may want something to change, like me and my sleep issue, many of you aren’t effectively doing anything to make it happen. In fact, it is easy to convince yourself that not dealing with an issue is less work than actually taking steps towards a solution. Which of course isn’t true. Fear of not knowing exactly what to do is one reason many of you may not be working towards solving a personal problem or taking steps towards a desired goal.
Others ignore their needs and desires to avoid a sense of overwhelm. When contemplating how to solve a chronic problem many of my clients become paralyzed with the sheer amount of action choices and expert’s claiming to know the only right way to fix it. In my case, I tried acupuncture, Chinese herbs, bio feedback and a few other things but committed to none of them therefore none of them worked. Unconsciously I knew that numbing out to bad TV was a form of escape and not helping my insomnia, but it wasn’t until I committed to a course of action that I was motivated to alter my behavior and solve the problem.
To not overwhelm yourself I suggest that you stay focused on one course of action as your solution. This requires commitment, discipline and mindfulness. It may be a new way of approaching a problem and it worked for me, so what do you have to lose?
So now I want to hear from you. What is one simple thing you can commit to this week to work towards resolving an issue you’ve been facing? I know you can do it!
Have a great week and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Nicole Pierce
If you have a bad day, wake up on the ‘wrong side of the bed’, or feel ‘off’ more than once in a while, something is wrong. These experiences are telling you that an area or situation in your life needs your attention. It could be physical, emotional or spiritual. And it could just be an overworked mind.
Don’t get me wrong we all have a bad day from time to time, but chances are you have them more often than not if you are not intentionally preparing your mindset and your energy in the morning, for the day ahead.
Why the morning?
Much like a snowball, once a bad day gets rolling, it’s hard to stop. Once you have the thought in your mind that something ‘bad’ has happened, your energy and thoughts can go downhill fast. However, grounding yourself to your center and your breath, as soon as you wake up, is one of the most helpful ways to ensure that no matter what the day may bring, you’ll be and feel okay. You can use the power of your intention to create the kind of day you want to experience.
Meditation helps create space between your thoughts and actions giving you more response time for challenging situations. Those few seconds of space can be the difference between saying something you regret and saying something helpful. While meditation won’t cure you of ever having a bad day, it can make it less likely that you will create one.
So I am sending today’s Tune Up Tip a bit early so you can start this day and week, feeling centered, alert and at ease.
Give me three minutes and I will help you create some space in your mind. Turn off all distractions, press play and enjoy. This meditation is for you.
I hope you enjoyed. Now I want to challenge you to flag this email and commit to mediating with the video every day for the rest of this week. Do you think you can do it? Comment below and let me know that you are in!
Sending you lots of love and peaceful feelings.
As always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Bunny Paffenroth
I met Jonathan Fields, the creator of The Good Life Project, a few years ago through mutual friends. I had always been a big fan of his work so I was excited and honored when he invited me to be a guest on his GLP podcast. Jonathan asked my professional opinion on what couples should do when one is growing and evolving more or differently than the other. He went on to explain that some members of his intense mastermind were experiencing conflict in their relationships, as a result of their participation in his group. Jonathan asked me if I had any suggestions for how to remedy the situation and of course you know I did!
Personal growth at a different pace is common for many couples, especially if you were married young. In my client sessions and online, a lot of people come to me seeking guidance around their romantic relationships. They may say ‘I am on my path, but my partner isn’t. I’m scared we’ll drift apart.’ Or ‘My partner and I have completely separate interests, how can we stay connected?’ Jonathan is not the only person curious about how to handle growth in a relationship.
The first truth about romantic love is that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some are for us to learn about ourselves, to stop repeating unfulfilling patterns or to learn for sure, what we don’t want in a relationship. For example, I had a client who married her high school sweetheart at the age of twenty one and by her mid thirties she had done a lot of personal growth work. She was in therapy and wanted to go back to school to get her masters to become a speech pathologist. Her husband, like her father, had never been supportive of her doing anything different. He was jealous and insecure and as she grew over the years, he remained the same. When she first came to see me she wanted to ‘work’ on her marriage but her husband was not willing to get into therapy as he saw the conflict as her problem. He repeatedly said, ‘You knew who I was when you married me. YOU are the one who has changed.” From the moment she walked in my door, I knew it was only a matter of time before the marriage ended because to resolve conflict, you need two people who are willing to work at it and he wasn’t. Humans evolving is inevitable. You can evolve consciously and with intention as she did or try to use a skill set and the self knowledge you had at twenty for the rest of your life, as he did. They split and she got her masters, started her new career and is about to get engaged. I believe there is a way for two people to continue to grow together and apart but both people need to be interested in striking that balance and finding the solution.
As a psychotherapist I am all for individual therapy and personal growth. However, it is vital to the success and happiness in relationships that couples consider each other on their paths. In healthy relationships, we grow and we want our partner to grow too. Creating a Couple Vision that you discuss and revise at least once a year is a great way to stay on the same path. This includes deciding how to spend your time, energy and resources. To keep the communication open I suggest all couples meet once a week over a meal or tea to have what I call, the State of the Union (get it?). This is an hour a week to give gratitude for what is working, share any grievances and make any simple requests you may have. Having a standing date to opening discuss any resentment that make be building is a way to normalize what may be considered difficult conversations. The more you talk the easier it gets and the closer you become.
If two people are willing to work on a relationship, there isn’t much that can stop their success. I truly believe that couples that spend time together in ways that exercise their bodies and expand minds continue to grow together. So whether you are in a relationship that is new, or one that has lasted decades, now is the perfect time to reconnect, regroup and refocus on where you are, and where you want to be. And to all my singles out there envisioning how you want to feel in a relationship can be an awesome way to manifest new potential connections!
Now I want to hear from you in the comments below. What is your couples vision? Do you already have one? Or do you and your honey need to come together to create a shared outlook for the future? Either way let me know because you know I love connecting with you!
As always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Jimmy and Sasha Reade