It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
Some of the most famous, influential and successful people of our time, have at one time experienced major failure. As a child, Beyonce lost Star Search. Oprah was fired from her first job on television as a news anchor. And Walt Disney was fired from his newspaper job for his “lack of imagination.”
These are just a few of the countless famous failures that you may or may not have known about. It is easy to forget that the people we see as cultural icons now, were once simply people with dreams and passion. What these three people, and all successful people, have in common is their fear of quitting or being considered mediocre. In the three examples above the ‘failure’ fueled the passion to stay in the game.
Mediocrity is defined as the quality of something that is not very good. And while Bey, O and Walt had talents that were, according to their superiors, not good enough, they never stopped trying. Even if they were afraid to fail they did not let it stop them from staying the course. Their persistence, talent and passion put each of them in the category of greatest talents of the last century.
Fear of failure can keep you stuck or even paralyze you when it comes to taking the next steps towards your desired goal. It can also push you into unfocused overdrive, causing you to feel unfulfilled and frazzled. Neither of which will get you where you want to go.
Try to remember that fear is just a feeling, like all your other feelings. It should not have some elevated status in your emotional life. What if Walt Disney never moved past his newspaper failure? Whether you’re a fan or not, a world without Disney would be a very different place. What if Oprah decided to give up on television and chose a more ‘practical’ career. We would all be worse off as she has touched millions of people lives and invited us all to think differently. And we don’t call Beyonce Queen B for nothing. She is an inspiration and becoming an icon.
Your dreams, big or small, are specific to you. No one has dreams in the exact way that you do, and no one can express them as you will. In the face of fear try to remember this awesome Martha Graham quote:
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy,
a quickening that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.
And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”
― Martha Graham
The expression of your dreams and desires is vital, and as powerful as fear can feel, you are more powerful. Fear often masquerade as other emotions, that is why decoding your relationship to fear is mandatory if you want to bust through it’s blocks.
Ninety-eight percent of the time fear is just a feeling. When you can identify fear for what it really is, you begin to minimize it’s power. Take time to recognize where you feel fear in your body and what it feels like. Some people feel fear in their stomach, others in their throat or even legs. In moments when you are experiencing fear take a few seconds to scan your body. Where do you feel discomfort? Breath into this spot. When you acknowledge how you feel and bring your attention to it, you actually are allowing yourself to feel the feeling so it can then pass through you. Feel it, to heal it.
Feeling your fear is one of the many ways that believe it or not, you can make fear work for you. How do you manage your fear? In the comments below I would love to hear how fear affects you? Do you fear failure or mediocrity? Or both? Also make sure to check out the P.S. below for a super special opportunity to hang out with me, get your burning questions answered and receive free access to one of my most popular downloads. You won’t want to miss this…
As always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
On September 16th Learn 3 of my best techniques to… TRANSFORM Fear & Become Unstoppable Register now for my FREE 1 hour call 8 pm ET → CLICK HERE Flip the Script on Fear, Make Fear Work for You
*image courtesy of Hot Gossip Italia
I was sitting in my therapist’s office the day after I graduated with my Masters from NYU. He asked how I felt about my big accomplishment. “I have been up most of the night researching PhD programs for the Fall,” was my reply. “Can you stop for a moment and celebrate?” he asked. Which was a good question because it had never entered my mind that it might be important to acknowledge and celebrate all of my hard work. This session was a turning point when I realized the importance of celebrating big and small accomplishments and creating rituals. Once I was able to slow down long enough to let it all sink in, I realized I did not want or need to get my PhD and that immediately planning the next thing was a way to avoid feeling the normal anxiety that change creates.
Do you celebrate yourself and your hard work? Do you take the time to enjoy reaching goals big and small? I find that many of my high achieving clients are future focused like I used to be. The problem with this defense mechanism of onto the next, is that it robs you of the joy of present moment consciousness. There will always be another goal to reach but without the sweet moment of being here now and celebrating, it can be an endless cycle of striving.
Oprah says that the more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate, and I agree!
Most cultures reserve celebrations for annual holidays and ‘big’ life events such as birthdays, weddings, births and retirement. The importance of acknowledging our everyday accomplishments is not really encouraged. Some cultures perceive self celebration as selfish or frivolous, yet all work and no play will not only make you dull but bitter too.
When you rush through your days pausing only for a moment in time to celebrate particular life events, you then quickly find yourself moving on to the next. This pace of living and lifestyle can lead not only to exhaustion, but to a total lack of inspiration. It feels like a race against the clock to pack in as much punch as possible, and then what?
Without taking time to celebrate the small victories, you can lose momentum and inspiration. I often encourage my clients and friends to celebrate every little thing. You made it to a 6:30 am spin class, awesome! You honored your body, took a bath and got to bed early, amazing! You finally completed that month long report, go grab a latte. Good job, go you!
So, celebrate! There are far too many people who reserve a beautiful dinner, dress or vacation for “special” occasions only. I try to live as if every day is a special occasion, because it is. Living this way brings more meaning and joy into your life and gives you the encouragement and inspiration to keep moving forward.
Celebrate not only yourself but others as well. When your husband, friend, child or co-worker accomplishes a seemingly small gain, acknowledge them. Create a habit of looking for and acknowledging your own efforts and those of others and life begins to be more joyful. You can even cultivate more present moment consciousness, through the acts of celebration.
In addition to celebration, I make a consistent effort to incorporate rituals such as meditation, energy work and a morning green juice into my daily life. These simple acts keep me grounded and connected. Rituals are just another way to celebrate life while cultivating good habits.
Now, let’s you and I celebrate! In the comments below share 3 ways you will celebrate yourself and others this week!! Also if you have any rituals or ways you already celebrate, share them with us! I challenge you to take this idea to heart and start the practice of celebration right way. It is a fun, easy and joyous way to make life just a little brighter. Have a fantastic week and as always, take care of you!
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Keith Davenport
I remember being at a dude ranch, “on vacation” with my mother, my sisters and all the kids in 1999. This was before skype sessions existed and I had fifteen phone sessions scheduled with clients during our week at the ranch. The cell reception was terrible and I spent much of my vacation, figuring out how to execute the commitment I had made and feeling guilty for not giving my family my full attention. I was there but not there. Do you think I came back from that vacation rested and refreshed? Um…nope, actually I was more stressed out than when I left feeling like I had failed everyone.
I know many of you can relate to my story. Being constantly plugged in and always on call is a way of life and a mind set. Whether you’re a mom, running your own business, running a team, or doing all three, you know how easy it is to fall into the abyss of working around the clock to manage it all! Most of you are not just responsible for yourself, and getting your own needs met, is often last on the list. And even when there is time to relax, can you? Or like me at the ranch, do you bring work along and set up phone meetings because you are afraid not to?
This summer season more than any other is about relaxation and vacation! Yet, I’m curious as to how many of you have, even if you’re sitting on a beach somewhere while reading this, actually allowed yourself to truly and fully relax.
Vacation means so much more than just allowing yourself time to lounge around. Vacation is a time for rejuvenation and restoration. It is a time to come back to yourself after months (sometimes even years) of being pulled in a thousand different directions. It is a time for you to put all that you manage, maintain and make happen on a shelf, even if only a day, and allow your mind and body to simply rest.
Being successful can be an important part of your identity but it does not have to require you to abandon relaxation and self care time. In my many years as a therapist/coach I have heard every excuse in the book as to why clients can’t take time off and I understand as I used to live that way. Since there will always be compelling reasons not to take a vacation, you have to remember that the power is actually in your hands to choose YOU! So look at your schedule, pick a day and give yourself permission to do nothing.
By law Swedish workers get five weeks of paid vacation per year. That is twenty one more days than the standard American ‘two weeks paid’ vacay! Coincidentally, or not, according to NationMaster.com Sweden also has a lower crime rate and reportedly lower drug use.
When you see your coworkers, family or friends after they’ve come back from a vacation they look happier, lighter and usually have a great tan :). You deserve the same. Now I understand that life doesn’t always present the opportunities to take an extended period of time off. So, that is why I am challenging you to simply take off one work day, preferably over the next week, as a mental vacation. For those 24 hours do the things you enjoy the most and leave your work and to-do list at home. My teacher and meditation guru Deepak Chopra says “If you can’t meditate for 20 minutes, then you should sit for an hour.” I say if you can’t take 24 hours, you should take a whole week!
Join the challenge by posting pics on Instagram of your day off and remember to use the #MentalVacay. I’ll choose two winners who’ll receive a FREE copy of my Meditation Transformation CD to help you calibrate your mood and set your intention all year long! Now off into the week you go, but before you do please drop a comment below and let me know how you’re feeling about taking a vacay day and tell me what you plan to do! This week as with every week I look forward to hearing from you and remember, as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Dimitris Kilymis