It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
Who do you love without restraint or hesitation? Bring that person to mind right now. How do you feel? I love my husband, Vic, my kids, my mom, my sisters, nieces/nephews and my closest girlfriends this way. I feel filled with joy when I think of how lucky I am to love and be loved by these extraordinary people. For you, whether it’s a sibling, spouse, nephew, cousin, coworker or even a furry friend, simply thinking about them changes your energy and makes your heart smile, right? Feeling that vibration of love releases oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin in your brain. It also uplifts those around you.
The same is true for actively holding hate for people, except the impact is negative. As this saying by an unknown wise soul goes,
When you hold hate in your heart for someone you are giving them your time and attention. You are elevating their status and gifting them prime real estate in your mind. From a therapeutic standpoint, you also, most likely have unfinished business with them. When an emotional injury or painful situation is not processed properly or honored appropriately, it continues to draw energy from you.
People come in and out of our lives for different purposes and periods of time. Everyone can be a teacher if you are willing to learn. Some lessons are more painful than others but all have the power to add to your evolution. By processing a painful loss or betrayal you are mining that experience for the gold it holds so you can let go of the rest. (And get your brain space back!)
In my therapy practice I have seen clients who have become so identified with their role as the victim, that their entire story becomes about the person they say they ‘hate.’ Please think about your own life, are you doing this with a person or situation? If you are unsure ask your friends…trust me…they will tell you. First, I want to encourage you to forgive yourself for holding onto the negative feeling or allowing yourself to stay victimized long after the situation was over. Secondly, I want to encourage you to release the person, people or situation that has been sucking up your resources. Often the word forgiveness kicks up feelings of resistance. As if forgiving means condoning. I am purposefully using the word release instead so there is no confusion about who is benefitting from your hard work. I have said it before and I will say it again:
You deserve to be free, emotionally. You deserve happiness, health and joy. And while no one may be able to experience a state of bliss all the time it is possible to experience it more by releasing negative thoughts about people and past events that keep you stuck. Retraining your mind to focus on what feels good might take a little time, so let’s begin right now with a simple statement that can help you realign your thinking.
Next time a memory of pain or anger comes to mind, simply say, silently or aloud, “I release you” and visualize yourself free. This is called a thought interruption or thought stopper and is used to interrupt habitual negative thought patterns. You may have to do this many times a day, yet the more often you can consciously interrupt your thoughts from spiraling downward into hate, the happier you’ll be. Do this for yourself because what was done is in the past. You have the power to not let the past ruin the present or dictate the future.
In the comments below please share your thoughts on hate vs releasing (or forgiveness). Do you have any forgiveness tips or stories you could share? Having support around releasing hate can be very powerful and make a big difference. Be sure to surround yourself during this time with the people (and pets) you love. Share with them your mission to release your pain and let them help steer you towards the joy you deserve.
Releasing is one more way for you to, as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Caden Crawford
As a psychotherapist and transformation coach, I employ an array of healing modalities and strategies with my clients. Today I am sharing one of my faves, that I use with great success personally and with clients. It is called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which you may know as The Tapping Solution from my pals Nick, Alex and Jess Ortner.
EFT emerged in the US in the early 60’s but the the self help practice of meridian tapping is ancient, used by many cultures and based on the Chinese meridian system. The way an acupuncturist uses needles on the meridians to alleviate physical issues, tapping on the meridians while feeling negative feeling, alleviates emotional issues. I discovered the power of EFT after earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear. Many of you know my, year of fear story, so I will not repeat the details. I will say that after a series of traumatic events, death of a parent, cancer diagnosis and being held up at gunpoint, I was paralyzed with fear.
I used EFT, along with other trauma work, to free myself from the prison that fear had created. Now I teach thousands of clients and students how to transform their own fear into Freedom. I use several therapeutic modalities, including EFT, to help people decode and release fear. Tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) combines acupressure with psychotherapy to help clear out any negative energy that may be causing you physical, mental or emotional pain.
This highly effective technique has helped hundreds of thousands of people all over the world learn to clear limiting feelings on their own and it’s free! If you want to learn more about tapping, check out TheTappingSolution.com, a site created by my incredible buddies, the Ortners. But, before you do that make sure to watch the video below where I created a guided tapping routine focused specifically on fear.
What I love about tapping is the permission you give yourself to embrace exactly what you are feeling at any given moment. Most of you have been brought up to believe that some feelings are good and others, bad. When you label your feelings you begin to make yourself wrong for feeling anything other than happy. This can lead to self doubt, frustration, anger and anxiety for having the ‘wrong’ feeling. So naturally to avoid feeling those things, you block or try to force your emotions. However, in doing this you are blocking yourself from experiencing the full range of what is means to be human. And you all know what you resist, persists. Anxiety, fear and anger are part of life. So, while these feelings may not be the way you want to feel, they are valuable. Tapping teaches you that you can love and accept yourself, no matter what you are feeling.
Tapping is a simple yet powerful technique that almost anyone can use. It may take some getting used to, but once you start feeling the effects, tapping may quickly become one of your go-to freedom tools. Keep in mind there is no perfect way to tap. To begin simply use the steps below.
1. Acknowledge an emotion you want to explore and rate how intense it is from one (mild) to ten (very intense).
2. Create your set-up statement
To do this use four fingers on one hand to tap the side of your other hand between the pinky and the side of the wrist. Your set-up statement should sound something like this
“Even though I am terrified, I love and accept myself”
3. Repeat some version of this statement 3 times, while continuing to tap the side of your hand. There is no specific script in tapping, so don’t worry about your set-up statement needing to be exact.
Now you are ready to begin your tapping sequence.
4. Start at the top of your head by tapping in the middle, continue tapping in that spot while you verbally acknowledge your fear. For example “I am feeling so much fear”.
5. Move your tapping to the outside corner your eye near your temple (left or right) and being a new statement acknowledging your fear. For example “Ugh this fear.”
6. Move your tapping to about half an inch below your eye. Begin a new statement, for example “I am so sick of this fear”.
7. Move to the spot in between your nose and upper lip and tap. Begin a new statement.
8. Move to the spot right below the lower lip. Tap while you speak a new statement.
9. Begin tapping right below the collarbone about 2 to 3 inches from the middle (on either side). To find this spot move your fingers just below the bone until you find the spot that feels a little softer. Tap on this spot while making a new statement.
10. Move the side of your body, if you are a woman this spot is where your bra strap would be, below your underarm. Tap on this spot while you make a new statement.
11. Once you are done, take a deep breath and on a scale of one to ten, rate the level of intensity of the feeling you just tapped on.
12. Continue these steps for as many rounds as feels good to you or until you get to your desired level of relief.
Now that you have these steps and the video above, I encourage you to make tapping part of your weekly, if not daily, routine. Imagine feeling freedom to embrace any and all emotions, while loving yourself fully and completely in spite of anger, frustration or even rage. Self love and self acceptance are possible, you just have to be willing to use the tools to get there.
As always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Amanda Slater
Do you believe you are worthy of your own time? Love? Money?
Do you dress up for no other reason than because it makes you feel good?
Do you treat yourself with the love, care and respect that you do with other people in your life?
Whether you are in a relationship or looking for love, most of you know, somewhere down deep, that self love is the path to true love. You know the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. And you also know that you can’t love anyone else if you don’t authentically love yourself. Unfortunately this knowing isn’t always evident in your thoughts and behavior.
For most people there is a belief that without a romantic partner they are incomplete. (For those of you in a relationship feeling complete may be dependent on your partner doing and saying exactly the right thing to make you feel good.) Though this idea that happiness is dependent on someone else is a surefire way to give away your power, your potential and your joy.
It’s not always easy, and you may feel even a bit silly, doing things like buying yourself flowers, treating yourself to the movies or watching a sunset alone. However, these simple acts of love towards yourself are the kind of action steps that can bring you the fulfillment, happiness and LOVE you’ve been searching for that can only be found within you. It’s in taking responsibility for the amount of love that you create and allow in your life the draws more love closer to you. Yes, it really can be that simple.
I can promise you that when you proactively plant seeds of love in your life, they are certain to bloom. Though just like a seed, in order to bloom you must push through the dirt (aka your own fears and limiting beliefs). Many people believe on some level, often due to childhood wounds, that they are not worthy of love. If dad left, mom wasn’t there for you, or you experienced a less than perfect childhood (you and everyone else in the world), then subconsciously you may have blocks to fully experiencing love. So sometimes, as they say in many 12 Step programs, it is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than it is to think yourself into a new way of acting. For this reason small and simple acts of self love may be the key to shifting your beliefs and opening your heart to the love that is waiting for you.
While I do believe you can love others without fully loving yourself, I know that self love is the foundation to long and lasting, happy relationships. I also know that success in any great relationship is two people taking full responsibility for themselves. So starting today, no matter what your love life looks like, I encourage you to make time to create love that lasts through self love. In order to help you stay accountable I am inviting you to take the Seven Day Self Love challenge. Will you commit to doing one act of self love everyday for the next week and see what shifts? Please share below the one thing you will do today to plant your seeds of love.
Remember that self love is not selfish and that you can only give away what you have. So fill up your own cup in order to bring your best, happiest, most loving self to every encounter. The love that you seek is within you, put your focus on it and watch what blooms. And as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Purple Sherbet Photography