It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
They were considered radicals at the time – the few colonists who desired complete independence from Great Britain. They wanted the right to vote and a civil democracy. In 1776 a five-man committee took the biggest risk of their lives, and literally risked their lives for freedom. Among these men was Thomas Jefferson, who drafted the historic Declaration of Independence.
Those responsible for the document and those who signed it (hello John Handcock) could have been beheaded for treason. In spite of it all they spoke out against the King for what they believed. Certainly no one knew what would happen and even though fear was prominent, they took a risk and did it anyway.
Risk requires courage, bravery and faith. It asks that you rise above your fears to do what in your heart you know is right. Bold action is a necessary part of risk. There are no guarantees that you won’t fail, get fired, ruin a relationship or worse, but sometimes it’s necessary to do what needs to be done in order to live a more meaningful life.
For almost everyone fear is the number one reason they don’t take risks. They stay in jobs they hate, in relationships that aren’t right and give up on their dreams because they’re scared. They stay small and in doing so limit their capacity to make a difference in their own lives and in the lives of others. However, what I want you to recognize, whether you live here or not, is that you can get inspired by the courageous energy America’s Founding Fathers possessed.
Now I know that starting a blog, becoming an entrepreneur or breaking up with your boyfriend isn’t quite the same thing as risking your life. (Though depending on where you live, it could be.) However, fear can be debilitating whether it is life threatening or not and in order to move forward you have to know what is stopping you. Fear can be very sneaky and mask itself as practicality or logic. It will have you focus on all of the reasons why you shouldn’t take a risk. Fear will convince you that you don’t have the time, money, energy or smarts to do that thing you can’t stop thinking about. After a while you start to believe the lies your fear mind keeps telling, unless you take action. Even one small step can start to prove your fear wrong.
This week amidst the energy and celebrations of independence and freedom I want to invite you to take a risk. Whether you consider it big or small, step through your fear and do something that you haven’t dared to do before. Whether you decide to slap on some red hot lipstick you’ve been too shy to wear or ask your boss for that raise you’ve been wanting to for over a year, remember risk is about moving through fear. While you may not always get what you want, in taking action you move closer to honoring yourself and your desires.
In the comments below please share with me one risk you plan on taking this week!
If the idea of risk and fear is something you find yourself dealing with often, or you just want to kick fear to the curb once and for all then I want to invite you to join me.
July 7th starts the first day of my online course:
Flip the Script on Fear: Make Fear Work for You & Become Unstoppable.
In this course, you will learn how to transform the limiting beliefs that may have been blocking your progress for decades! You’ll also gain understanding about where and why you have been blocked which is the first step to changing what doesn’t work. Fear doesn’t have to keep you stuck. If you find yourself wanting to take risks but unsure how to move through the fear that is holding you back, this course is for you. If you crave deeper meaning and more joy in your day to day life, work and relationships, this course is for you.
I know investing in yourself can be scary, but your happiness is worth the risk. Right now I’m offering the course (which is valued at over $2000) for only $197! Plus I’m giving you over 20 bonuses from your favorite experts like Marie Forleo, Gabby Bernstein, Kris Carr and Danielle LaPorte to enhance your Flip the Script experience. Register now and connect with others to get support, give support and remain inspired throughout the course.
CLICK HERE to sign up
Here’s to freedom, independence and taking risks.
Wishing you a safe and Happy 4th and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Eric Lynch
“You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”― Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
Do you remember the first few months of your relationship? Whether you are in a marriage, dating or divorced, you’ve experienced the “honeymoon stage” at the beginning of a romantic relationship. This is a time when everything your partner does seems to thrill you. Things are perfect, and there isn’t a thing you would change about each other. You love spending time together and all you can think about is the other person. Every touch and kiss feels magical.
While in this magical phase with my husband, Victor, I went on an already planned two week trip to Tuscany with pals. During the longest two weeks of my life, I wrote Vic a forty-page letter specifically listing all of the things I loved about him. (You know you are in love if you would rather be in Elizabeth, NJ than the countryside of Italy!) At that moment in time, he was perfect.
Then like in most relationships, real life set in and things changed. Which is not bad, just what happens. Vic and I and the boys got into therapy to help us negotiate our newly formed family and help heal some of the existing wounds. Conflict can be an opportunity to communicate on a higher level or not. As time goes on, you may still love many of the qualities that drew you to your partner, but suddenly there are things about them that get on your nerves as well.
Brilliant marriage therapist and world-renowned author of the book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix proposes that “Marriage is a psychological and spiritual journey that begins in the ecstasy of attraction, meanders through a rocky stretch of self-discovery, and culminates in the creation of an intimate, joyful, lifelong union. Whether or not you realize the full potential of this vision depends not on your ability to attract the perfect mate, but on your willingness to acquire knowledge about hidden parts of yourself.” After counseling many couples and being in a successful marriage for the past eighteen years, I agree with his theory. It is easy to fall into the trap of blaming your partner for your lack of satisfaction and avoid looking at yourself by scrutinizing and criticizing your partner’s behavior.
Many couples use “sweating the small stuff” to avoid dealing with themselves or handling the big stuff. The belief that falling in love should equal instant and eternal personal happiness is a myth. You are responsible for your happiness and self evolution, in or out of a relationship.
While your partner may in fact exhibit certain behaviors that are irritating, a more productive way to navigate such a situation, rather than blaming them, would be to consider why you feel the way you do. Just as it is your job to create joy in your life, it is also up to you manage pain, such as anger, frustration and contempt. The way you think and feel about yourself has a direct connection with how you think about and behave towards your partner. When you take responsibility for how you feel you have the power to choose to be loving towards yourself and your partner.
I want to challenge you this week not to sweat the small stuff. This includes in your friendships, your relationship with your parents, your kids and most certainly in your marriage. Criticize less and give the people you love the space to be human. Choose kindness and focus on your own growth.
Drop a comment below and share with me one nitpicking habit you vow to release this week. I look forward to hearing from you.
Take care of those you love and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Neil Moralee
Everyone is searching for happiness. We all have a unique idea of what that means, but we can all agree on how good it feels to be happy.For me, happiness is spending time with my love, Vic. I find happiness in quality conversations with girlfriends over dinner or in relaxing time spent alone at home. I also find happiness in helping my clients work towards the freedom and joy they crave.
Many people think happiness is something that is going to find them, so they spend very little time cultivating it. They allow their lives to become filled with unfulfilling situations and things, and then wonder why they are unhappy. Happiness is something you create intentionally from self-inquiry and self-knowledge.
If you’re uncertain about what makes you happy here are a four questions to get you started.
What do you do in your spare time?
Marthe Troly-Curtin said “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” I couldn’t agree more. Do you spend your free time doing what you love? Or do you spend it stressing about household chores or doing things for other people? Happiness starts within you. For it to flourish, you must tend to it like you would a garden. This means using some of your spare time doing things you truly enjoy.
What would you do for free?
I love helping others. I love psychology and connecting with people who are committed to personal growth. You may love cooking or dancing or decorating. Whether or not you make a career out of what you would do for free is irrelevant. You can have a career and an amazing hobby that brings you joy, on the side. Consider what makes you really happy, whether you get paid for it or not, and then do more of that.
What do you enjoy doing so much that you lose track of time while you’re doing it?
Have you ever been so into what you are doing that you completely lose track of time? Some people refer to this as being in the “zone”. This happens when your focus is so intense and you become so immersed in what you’re doing that time seems to either speed up or slow down, depending on how you look at it. This is how it feels to live in the present moment.
What are you compelled towards?
What do you dream about? What gets you excited? Notice what gets your attention and piques your interest. Trust your desires and move in their direction. Following what makes you happy will lead you to the right places.
Too often people ignore their desires. They may feel like they want to take that trip, sign up for a class or reconnect with a childhood dream, but something stops them. People have all kinds of stories and scripts to keep themselves safe and living small. Fear of change is one major reason why people don’t go after what will make them happy in life.
If you answered the above questions, hopefully now you have a bit more insight into what makes you happy, and perhaps what doesn’t. To continue the work we started today, choose one thing that you love and enjoy to add into your routine. As that becomes more of a habit, add another activity that makes you happy to your daily or weekly routine. Continue building out your life so that it becomes full of the actions and situations that bring you joy. Remember that you get to create your happiness, and there’s no better time to start then right now.
I want to hear from you! In the comments below share with me one way you will commit to exploring your happiness. Try something new, whether it’s a daily afternoon walk or sky-diving lessons. Above all, make sure you commit to cultivating your happiness. Trust me when I say that being happy makes life easier—simply set your intention and follow through. Before you know it, your ‘ideal will be real’ as my pal Danielle LaPorte says.
Enjoy cultivating your happiness and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Vinoth Chandar