It’s what we all want and how we are meant to live.
Yet so often, material success and the things we think will create the freedom we crave, don’t.
So let’s focus our energy on what will.
Here you will learn strategies and tools to create real Freedom by identifying and transforming the fear based, limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Fear is the opposite of Freedom (and a tricky bastard).
After earning- what I now refer to as- my PhD in Fear, I turned my pain into purpose and taught thousands of clients and students to transform their own fear into Freedom.
Now it’s your turn.
So take a deep breath, say Hello, Freedom and buckle up!
Love Love Love
“Terri Cole is a powerful force of nature. She will teach you how to smash your blocks and unleash your inner fire. If you want to be fearless and free, listen to Terri. Listen very carefully.”
Bestselling Author, Activist, Cancer Thriver
“Some of us are natural IDENTIFIERS, like Terri Cole. Cole’s a psychotherapist-coach, and, as my mother would say, Terri can “shoot bullshit out of the air.” Lucid, like wow. She can look at a relationship dynamic, or a business structure, or a repeating pattern and bam, fwam, shazam, she can tell you what’s really going on in one sentence, in one minute. And she does it freely, anytime of the day, with anyone who’s ready for it.”
Author, Speaker, Publisher, Fire Starter, Creator of Desire Map
My father was not a skilled communicator but he was successful in business. When it came to talking about his feelings he was a disaster! A handwritten note from him always sounded like an interoffice memo of some kind. If he needed my input on something he would write, “Please advise. Love Dad.” I had a very astute therapist in college who helped me see that if something was going to change in my relationship with my father, it would be me and the way I related to him. I eventually became courageous enough to express myself authentically with my Dad. It was scary in the beginning but I just kept working at it and eventually it became natural. I am so grateful I got to honestly share myself with my father before he died suddenly of a heart attack 17 years ago. Many people are not as fortunate.
Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. It’s through our words and actions that we express our feelings about others. Yet, like my Dad, not everyone has an easy time expressing how they feel. Sometimes fear of rejection or humiliation is the block and other times the person simply can’t find the words.
How often do your true feelings go unexpressed?
I believe we all have a desire to be succinctly understood and sometimes we want that to happen magically but it doesn’t. Many clients in my therapy practice let fear stop them from speaking their mind, making amends or clearing the air in their relationships only to regret it if the other person falls ill or passes away. Whether they want to tell their partner how much of an impact they have on their life, or tell their mom they forgive her, there is so much healing that is lost when the truth goes unsaid.
Self expression can be challenging, especially if you were not encouraged to share your feelings as a child. Many people experience major blocks when it comes to communication around deep feelings. Yet on the other side of that fear of being vulnerable or of ‘doing it wrong’ is endless potential for more love, forgiveness and connection that really can be miraculous. Sometimes with just a few words a relationship can change course and start progressing in the right direction.
If you are someone who has difficulty expressing how you feel, start by becoming curious about yourself. You can begin by practicing, at any point throughout your day, closing your eyes, taking a deep breath and naming 3 emotions you are experiencing. This simple yet effective exercise creates deeper self knowledge. Once you begin to understand what is going on within your own emotional life, it will be easier to communicate your feelings to others.
While it may take time to feel totally at ease saying it like it is, full self expression is possible. The more honestly you share yourself with others the more meaningful and fulfilling your relationships will be. Because…
In the comments below I would love to hear from you. Take your first step towards full self expression by sharing 3 feelings you are experiencing right now. Then continue checking in with yourself and sharing with others throughout this week, and remember, as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Daniel Horacio Agostini
Do you ever think about the way the ‘tech revolution’ or ‘information age’ is impacting the way we relate to each other? As a therapist and an observer, I think about it a lot.
There is no doubt you’ve experienced interacting with someone who is distracted by their phone. Being on the receiving end of that interaction can leave you feeling unimportant and disrespected. Trying to have a conversation with someone who is only half listening is an exercise in frustration (unless you are also only half listening then perhaps you are a match made in heaven.) People communicate differently when they are attempting to multitask anything with technology. Scientists are now even saying that being constantly plugged in “…can change how people think and behave. They say our ability to focus is being undermined by bursts of information,” according to journalist Matt Richtel.
Inability to focus leads to a lack of presence which can lead to major challenges in communication, and therefore in relationships. You cannot truly connect unless you are fully engaged. And you cannot be fully engaged when you are texting, Instagramming or Candy Crushing it on your phone. You just can’t. If you are constantly attached to your phone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check Facebook, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real intimacy.
Our society has become addicted to distraction and breaking the cycle begins with you! This week I challenge you to put your phone down (and flip it over!). Listen, with your eyes and ears to connect with those around you. Look at the person who is speaking to you, be present for them. And be present for you. When you’re walking, eating or trying to relax, put down your phone. Be with yourself and enjoy the present moment. Don’t miss out on your life and what you could have experienced because you were staring at a cell phone screen.
I challenge you to join me this week and take the pledge to #LookUp, which means committing to not being on your phone while talking to others, walking, driving or eating for 7 full days. Use the hashtag #Lookup and let me hear from you in the comments below. Are you in?
I hope so and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Ian Higgins
Years ago, before I was in the Hay House family, I was attending a lecture by Louise Hay in Toronto. “How many of you think you are behind? In life, in your career, in your love life? Who here thinks they should be further along for their age?” Every hand, including my own, went up. She went on to say, “I didn’t start on my spiritual path until I was 52. I didn’t start Hay House Publishing until I was 60.” Suddenly I felt like I was right on time.
Though almost everyone has cultural, societal and personal ideas of what it means to be a certain age. This goes on to include what life should look like at any particular number. Most of you have ideas of what should happen when, particularly when it applies to your own life.
Though every day people are breaking the age barriers of what can and cannot be done, without any regard to numbers. We live in a time of extreme diversity where age has no boundaries. We see women having children up into their late forties, while twenty-five year olds are running their own companies. Though, most people still find these cases to be quite extraordinary and have a tendency to still practice ageism in their own lives, most often against themselves.
Setting up your dreams and life in accordance with your age is a wonderful way to limit yourself before you even start. While having deadlines to your goals is admirable, for most people life rarely happens as planned. Even with the best intentions and efforts, life has a way of throwing curveballs and speed bumps your way.
You may have, or have had, expectations of what needs to happen by when, in order to feel happier, successful and more fulfilled. These expectations, whether you are aware of them or not, are molded and fueled by family, society and cultural beliefs. Yet, time and time again, I see so many people getting down on themselves about their age in connection to what they have and have not accomplished.
Wishing you were further along in your career path or comparing yourself to someone younger than you, will not change the number of years you’ve been on earth or where you are at in life. What it will do is bring more power to the limiting belief that you are either ‘too old’ or ‘too young,’ to do, dream or have what you desire most.
It’s important to, no matter where you are at, look at your life and ask yourself if you are where you thought you would be at this age. Some of you many say ‘thankfully no’ while others may recognize that the (often subconscious) expectations that you had for yourself and your life have not been met. Forgive yourself for not being where you thought or wished you would be. You can even take some time to mourn the dreams that have not yet come to fruition. Then take a look at your current goals and get really honest about where beliefs about your age are keeping you from moving towards them.
This year, at age 91, Harriette Thompson of North Carolina broke the U.S. record for the fastest marathon time in her age group. She started running marathons at age 76. Harriette and so many others (think Malala winning the Nobel Peace Prize at age 17!) are just a few of the thousands of examples of life showing you age has no limits. No matter if you are 17 reading this or 75, your dream has a place. It may not happen at the exact time, or in the exact way you want it, but if you work really hard and give up any ideas that you can’t, your dreams can become reality.
Now I want to hear from you! In the comments below share with me one dream you have that you feel is limited by your age. Then tell me one step, despite thinking you are too young or too old, that you are going to try and make that dream a reality. We are all here to support each other so don’t be shy. Ideas become bigger when shared, so go ahead and post now.
Age is just an idea, and life is what you make it. Keep going for your dreams no matter what and remember as always, take care of you
Love Love Love
*image courtesy of Mervyn Chua